Dealing with paranoia and religious attitude

In Windows, Imogen Heap was playing on that same motherboard of Glen's.

She's so beautiful, Glen was thinking.

Imogen Heap was thinking the same thing.

He was sure of it.

She went back to his Christianna, in no rules time, because it was peaceful.

He thought about music, prayer, and dance.

He danced.  He prayed.  He sang.

Could not always shake the feeling of paranoia.  Except when he did it was not steadfast; it was intermittent, changing.

"It is not paranoia.  It is inaction," he said to himself.

He had confused himself again.

"It may be inaction, but, if I am not paranoid I am not 'action'; that doesn't make any sense.

We don't train actors not to be paranoid.  We train them to be actors.  If they need to be paranoid then they can be.

But again I am off topic," he said, "I am less paranoid when I am not up to inaction.

It is not so bad.  I count my blessings.  I have a new refrigerator and a new oven.  I have a painty loveseat from my grandparents, a carpentry decorated desk from my parents, a squishy futon from my brother, and the cozy lamp; that is my own.

Almost everyone I meet is nice to me.  A tragedy befell me, when I became disabled, but if that fate had not befallen me I would not have met the many wonderful people that I did.  They would not have given so many wonderful gifts.  They come bearing spiritual gifts, and so it appears I have more internal gifts than external.    But I love the things that I have.  I decorated my apartment like the ocean.  From Mr. Michelle and Voodoo I have the gift of friendship itself.  I have the crystal the straight-drag-queen character gave me.  I have the book of drawings of Mortal Kombat characters from a man of community.

I often think about the people I love.  I feel love for all mankind.  Including all of those suffering the fate worse than death.

Anna is the internal messiah.  Jesus, the external messiah, was up on the cross for all to see in public.  Anna, by contrast, is the private sufferer whose pain we may never understand.  We may never be aware of it.  That is why Anna came to me on Dec. 13, 2014.  God introduced me to her because God could see that I was suffering.  He/She wanted to give me a purpose in life."