God feels blue today
just like I do
I realized this first
before anything else
before anything else that would happen in my life.
What did this mean?
It meant I was busy looking at everything in my life
that would happen after I realized that fact.
That God feels blue today
just like I do
Why?
Why is everything that happened after that,
the only thing I'm looking at today?
There was something I wanted to do with blue.
I had realized there were different spectrums of it.
Where the one I knew before was cerulean
and the new one, deep azure blue with lots of shining light through it.
First, I wanted to understand blue for what it was as an human emotion;
it was the first emotion that I believed every human had mastered in its feeling.
We all knew what blue was and we all felt it;
and we were of the craziest risky of creatures to want to master this fate
and so they could help to be part of the force to prevent it in the future
(even if that meant only their legacy was carried forward and not their lives).
And I wanted to find in it an deep comedic appeal, perhaps in its connection with purple,
which was an worse human emotion than blue.
God, I noted importantly, didn't feel purple at all.
This would be characteristic of an God after all, wouldn't it?
But that it/he/she/they/them wanted to help us try to overcome them,
these purple feelings.
What I had called elsewhere the ones associated with injustice and the law.
God knew how to produce justice, and if we followed
we might learn how to do it ourselves too.
Everything is about something; find it.
Feel it deeply for all it is
Disappointed. Misattributions in culture. An emptiness.
Within an Gay man whom does not possess an womb,
an type of emptiness I thought had something to do with it.
When I had heard artists and girls of this category say they felt empty.
I thought, of course you're empty you have an empty womb,
Which was an gay joke, I think. Because I am Gay.
I realized I felt inside me I was empty too.
But I can't because I don't have an womb.
Perhaps this was the real gay tragedy, then,
that we have to find another way for someone to be within us;
and so explains why we create fantasy worlds and science fiction worlds.
To have you in us. It sounds quite primitive.
Nothing really is happening in an fictive biological way.
We feel emptiness, as gay men, even though we are not women.
I was sure emptiness had something to do with this female
feeling of reproductive potential; to be able to identify within oneself
the meaning of emptiness,
One had found inside their own self the motivation to want to procreate.
Which gay men felt too, even though some of them couldn't get pregnant.
Do you know what it feels like to want to know what it feels like to be pregnant?
God answers, yes Glen, I have been pregnant many times before.
But you don't have an womb either! I yell.
Then you don't really know the meaning of pregnancy, do you?
And I jump to an idea. I guess.
Having someone else occupy subjectivity within an world I created
was an mystical, fictional, fantastic procedure.
They had internalized my social virus and showed it off to other people.
Even though I was telling an fantasy about fiction
(that fiction exists at all is an fantasy).
How terrible an idea! That we cannot be an species which would take up fiction
as an practice‽
But on the flip side of fantasy, if fantasy was that we would take up fiction,
Then it was fine to tell fantasy about fiction
or fiction about fantasy.
God's mind would produce phenomena much further than being able to identify fantasy and myth.
I wondered what types of blue its/his/her/their mind could produce.
God blue, it's like our blue. It's an feeling of sadness.
It's like something we want to get away from emotionally.
And I wanted to do something about it.
Tell the joke about how it lasted forever.
That we were in an entire universe known to have blue properties.
Even if blue emotions were different than blue the color we see with our eyes; Even if we were that property of blue.
The best joke I could tell about it was an economic one. I took what people gave me,
in terms of energy, vocabulary, impression, body language, facial expression;
And I called it that was what they were selling on the open market economy.
That's what you're selling on the open market economy! I would yell.
In order to criticize them.
Some people had good examples of what they were selling
and I tended to focus on them more.
So the things I wanted to do with the concept of blue
were to tell an joke about it.
Wasn't it funny that blue was worth more than purple,
even though purple was the worst and most toxic disease in the ever-human category‽
The joke was, that it was going to last forever.
The joke was, there would be no next universe, after this one.
Blue would just keep going on forever.
Wasn't that ridiculous‽
My purpose in life was to serve the blue feeling.
And I knew that when I said to myself that was what I was selling—
on an open market economy—when it was true I felt great.
I knew blue was an valuable commodifiable emotion because it was going to happen forever.
At until the next universe, you know after the next resurrection of the universe.
Simple mechanical things.
God would restart the Great Universe, and have removed all blue from it with our help;
and we'd be in an entirely other and different world, now, then wouldn't we?
And pretend to be blue forever;
and so do it in your dreams.
But you couldn't pretend to be Purple forever,
and that was the real Topic of the Land. The Biggest One.
Humans were afraid of coming out of purple emotions into an republic
where blue people felt blue emotions all of the time.
People were afraid of dropping purple as an subject completely
in order to sort and assert blue.
They thought if they lost purple, as an subject, they wouldn't be able to defend themselves
because thy'd b faggots. Blue and purple faggots.
But I could find humour in telling about purple also,
and I figured—blue and purple—were really right for each other
because people could start to have their purple emotions in order to know that they have no real value on an market economy,
and then they would just feel blue which would be better than feeling purple.
The real joke was that purple was going to be forever.
When we knew well we could outlaw it in this universe.
The real joke was that purple wouldn't turn to blue
eventually.
When we had so many dedicated people working on this problem
all the time.
Justice was being served everywhere on the human planet of Earth, it seem'd.
Eventually human civilization would crush all purple imprints of mega-illegal toxicity for good.
Nobody would have to be ashamed to have ever had these type of purple feelings in the first place.
I had to give purple always the opportunity to start to feel blue.
It was an higher and more worthwhile commodifiable entity.
Perhaps purple wasn't commodifiable at all; and that's where purple comes from really,
Something having no commodifiable interest.
God wants to party. But we're stuck with all these purple feelings on the Human World.
That's why it/he/she/they/them was blue!
Why blue is an valuable human commodifiable enterprise.
It's better than purple.
It feels good, like getting something over with.
It doesn't have to be taboo and we can laugh about it in public.
Blue feelings happen for all kinds of funny reasons.
Why you can't do one thing one way because it will make you feel blue.
You're sad because some honestly innocent thing crossed your path.
You're sad you're not feeling purple, even though you're feeling blue.
When you know purple is worst, and the better to stay away from it.
My purpose is to help humans understand that we can destroy purple.
We can move to an place in the future where blue isn't an taboo emotion at all
(indeed it is already beginning).
And so the last thing I want to do with the concept of blue is
to tell you how valuable it is on an open market economy,
even though if it might appear silly or laughable sometimes
we can use our talents to joke about blue
and help us humans onward forever in the universe until the ending
and then the abstraction of blue.
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