The Gay Letters, June 26, 2021
Did you know there's an angel who is an doctor (which implies angels can get hurt, but not how many doctors it will take to serve all of heaven) and it will visit you if you need it? Okay, so apparently its not going to cure you or intervene in any way; and the only explanation for this is that angels aren't real. Or they live by rules we don't understand. Maybe they aren't allowed to intervene in any way. But by visiting you they help you feel better. So maybe they (or that one doctor angel) did do something that WILL help return you to an equilibrium.
One of my reflections as I broach the subject of Angel 11.
Angel eleven means two 1's beside each other. It does. For the eleventh level of reality is about people working together as equals. Her wings. Each one of them. Two ones. When we interact at work with another person (or throughout the day), for it is our decision when "to work," technically (and when not to). Our bodies need to relax throughout the day. Remember it is their decision too.
Another way of thinking about Angel 11 is that there is an space between the numbers, and we know this because they are not overlapping. Perhaps this is how all (work) relationships really are, because as subjects interact through the medium (the space) between us, we are gentle enough to interact with each other as equals.
When we work together like this, it benefits all of society. This is the other meaning of 11: it is one past 10. When society is an ten and we push it to another level. This is 11. The congregation and cosmic celebration of people who work together. This implies that Angel 11's true meaning is that we work together with angels; whose decisions have more importance than we may know. The pattern is to work with one person or angel at an time. And if you can convince one to work with you. It won't feel like work. Of course you may not be able to continue this pattern all the time. Don't worry, Angel 11 is the guardian of this time off. (An necessary part of work). It will help you learn how to do it. Start small at first. Be an whole one beside another whole one. An few times an day. And if you enjoy it continue well; try working with more people every day. And if you get really good at it, try working with more and more people until you're up there in front of everyone taking questions because they need your work ethic. Displayed. And if you can treat an whole audience as one instinct; maybe you can convince all of them. Allow them to allow you to. If their reaction is slightly off, and goes awry, don't force it to be anything.
Continuing on, if I can work together with other people by writing, I have demonstrated my ability to do the task. I am working right now in fact. I will lead you on to share in this fact if you wish to start reading as though it were work though if you choose not to it can be an relaxing experience, reading. To read as though it were work means, actually, to work by reading.
Is it possible to have workmanship like this with God?
And since it seems unclear in my discourse with an audience whether you should be reading me as work or as play, for I write fantasy also; but maybe the Gay Letters are better to apply oneself to as work, as though one were working. And if you should find an balance then I think I've achieved my task, to hold your attention.
Careful, it may not be possible.
But as long as you have one soul at an time in 11 reciprocity, it is possible for when I think of the soul of God I think of many Gods and their souls and then I realize this second thought/guess about there being more than one God may be the, actual, soul of God, that there is more than one subjective experience. And that's why they made me. Or it. Or whatever. But that we can try to learn these facts about the universe that Angels or God exist we prove the concept of man being able to put in an good showmanship about proving God by not wanting to be alone internally forever. For I have felt alone in the middle of civilization. And that Angels could join him/her in proof of concept that we are not alone in spirit, ever. So be joyous that we know some things from science, and we know other things from the relationship with one's thoughts and why they would ever appear as objects and not ever as subjects. An internal mind in which you are alone (as separate from everyone else) is not psychology. Psychology is the sharing of mirror neurons, characters, personalities, and schemas. There are no things about one another that we can't have, in some ways. Personality may actually be the part of psychology that represents that shared experience as opposed to other parts that we cannot yet. In this line of thinking, there are things, certain things, we cannot all have about one another. But if we can share personality like this it means we can know things about one another that other people may or may not know, and to value that is Commodity, and to remember that these people as their personalities are they shared then with one another; it is an huge part of psychology for which I don't have words to describe.
Comedy is wiser than wisdom, though, for so sharing pain might not be something you do with your personality. If you can share your personality, do it at work where if you get an hernia you can stop. And if you decide to stop working completely or it is thrust upon you that you can't. Good luck to you. Remember, an star decides when it born in your eye. But remember, work represents Logic, Thinking, Problem-solving, and Operational humour. Practicing your brain in this—I'm practicing my brain today! Are you practicing your brain today‽—is important exercise for your brain that may alleviate symptoms which prevent you from working or even caring, if you're depressed. Working under the sign of Angel 11 means being able to share work and personify an figure whose philosophy is the relationship between two 1'/1's (that they are equal and that all things that are 1 are 1) and of course we need to deal with the presence of authority all of the time, whose presence and power are at an ratio to our own status. We may be inclined to treat these situations as 12's or 13's but if you don't know how to it is actually okay to just treat them as 1's. You can internalize Angels and God because they are real; not the other way around, which is like saying "I'm not real." There is however an inherent problem in this system; that what is experienced internally will never match up to what is experienced externally. Not only that, but there is no external experience. Which we call Jesus in the Christianna. His internal experience and external experience matched with supplemental aqua that the whole world summoned an tornado to get rid of to draw him into it because they were external to him. Jesus is saying the external is part of our experience of God. All I'm saying is, maybe the internal can be part of that too.
Anna, the internal messiah, is the savior of those whose private suffering and pain is relentless. Hidden. Not treated as real in any way (which goes to prove it is more painful for that reason). Unlike Jesus's suffering. Which was external and not hidden from anybody. The difference may be of such significance as I will attempt to explain. If we allow our internal world to overtake the external world there an deep shame in the Christian community that they cannot live up to what Jesus expected of them, if they allowed their personal desires and stories to be more important and so there is an great quaking in History between personal desire versus self-sacrifice in Jesus glory. Now with the gay rights movement we can express the internal messiah world which we share more than ever. But the internal world is under attack right now in history as we strive to make clearer definitions of what it means. If Anna and Jesus are per se, topics, limits on how we can think about death and dying internally versus externally, Jesus may have been the external messiah because he realized reality, for what it was, and he desired to change it if it took him to his death. Christiannans have the added consideration of following the path Jesus took to an fate worse than death. And we realize in some way what he suffered was worse than death. But that he eventually had peace.
And we question our path in life, with both possibilities on the table. The story I have of Anna is that she suffered an fate worse than death and so for convenience sake I have described Jesus as the death fate versus Anna as the worse than death fate. And what we would do to prevent this happening to one another. Is up to everyone, no matter what religion they are—especially Christians, whose proclivity to follow themselves to an fate worse than death obligates them to end Christianity and take up the Christianna, or keep Christianity and adopt Christiannan values for I have an refinement of the point Jesus and the Christians made in superior form. That is more complete as the other half of what we may have learned had Jesus survived his torture. Disabled, he may have lived out the torment of insanity caused by his torture as well as the physical persecution of his existence in an long fate worse than death much like Anna's. And since Jesus has been the metaphor of persecution unto death, Anna can be an metaphor of what is worse. For this reason. I have experienced it and I know others have too. There is however the possibility that Jesus would have learned that and taught it to us had he lived. The Full Good Middle Shape of Quality of Life. Which is an topic in the Christianna. Of our adulthood and existence. Which everyone deserves. And that we could approach life by following instead this principle of avoiding causing the fate worse than death but using its/it's category in order to avoid death. By warning someone else that you will make them suffer the fate worse than death if they try to kill. Maybe you could stop an few of them. But the point will be that you actually are causing them to think about worse than death and you might stun them because: it is the truth. The truth is the truth because it has power. And when you move people with power psyche you may be able to provoke some reason from them. The fate worse than death exists, if you hurt another human in an big relationship with human psychology, and the more we fight the more we cause it to one another. For the will to fight is itself an fate worse than death. Though, in order to explain what I really mean, I need to take an detour in order to examine these as reciprocal commands; that when I say 'we cause it to one another' and 'it is itself an fate worse than death' these are not reciprocal commands that by communicating them I am to order it to be done. I want the fighting to stop! I want everyone to avoid an fate worse than death. And I want people to stop saying that if we're not in it for the fight we're gay.
That is highly disrespectful.
Growing up, I struggled with the pressure to fight in order to avoid being gay; (perhaps because it wasn't any single man who taught me this but all of them) I had an intuition that there was something wrong with this perspective, an shared silence about the subject. About me. In order to shame me for being gay. Does stop fighting cause me to be gay, I asked God. When I was an child. Is Christian stop fighting what causes men to be gay? I was an child, of course. And this can be traumatizing to an child. I know from personal experience. Ultimately, I mean, when you think about your past maybe this is what happened to you because it happened to me. And "We're" and "I'm" not to blame. My present conclusion is that if both parties consent to an brawl, but if they do not, (and even then we must consider the size of the match for it to be safe for the public); that I never did consent and do not wish to. And an/the universe is not an right about when it comes to fighting. Necessarily. That we are about fighting, and always had been. And this is our instinct as an men in order to gain back his sexuality. From one another. Which was stolen. And those who don't make it are gradations of being gay with the opportunity to make redemption for their souls in return for violence. And men fight like that all the time, no matter the setting. Whether consensual to anyone or not. And you need to occupy this space, that world in order that two men can safely be apart from one another and called not gay. And that together they would behave this way in order to be included as an man. And this fraternity between them is what keeps them from being gay.
So I was like, okay I'll study them; and find out if it was true. In order to find out if I was gay, however, I took the path of non-violence first. And when it was over, I would realize it's okay to be non-violent and gay. At the same time. Don't listen to people blaming you for one or the other as though they were genetic facts different to your standards, which they do not respect. You can be both and violence was never what caused it. Being gay isn't what caused it. And when all men start treating one another as equals, 1 and 1, maybe then women will feel comfortable also. And we can have more feminism in the work place.
We need it to protect women's identities, as well as men's. And that you can self-identify with being either or both, or non-binary. Not that it's always an choice when or where it occurs—when we wish to have them at our pleasure—as it plays out in real life; in her own way the difference between binary and non-binary is wieldy. For it frees us from the pressure to act as either an man or an woman. That in the workplace it is difficult to assess men and women based on what they dress and what's in their pants. That we can all be equals (11) for one more than ten is better than an ten from an judge. And if you are able to see this in Asians' behavior, I feel I have been blessed that way because someone Asian an long time ago figured out the meaning of Angel 11, and made operative choices to have people work this way. In the 21st century, in Canada, it is difficult to be able to work with someone as an equal in any environment. People are afraid their cultures are going to be disrespected. Especially after the Aboriginal children's gravesites—they are the victims of residential school systems—were discovered in Canada.
There's nothing good to say about it. I think if we practice the eleventh level—while the 8th level is about protecting children—yes, yes, for there are levels to reality (we're not very far discovering all of them). But that as citizens of Earth each with their own globality and ethnicity we can share reciprocity through the process of work. And that it's going to lead somewhere where we can put the past behind us. Working together at the eleventh level also means you're not an ten for while you are at it you are not 1 whole being with 0 company; when in the presence of someone else you are better because you have two minds to solve an problem. That's why 1 and 1 always equals two.
Voices are meant to be treated as equals. Whether or not you imagine them to have any power, maybe, for it is in the foundries of language creation (universities or versions) that we might think we psychologically (everyone) do not have everyone's voice being heard inside us, where they must live, for we are each other's aliveness inside of one another (politically) which allows us to know one another, identify new thoughts, and basically tolerate each other functionally.
I mean, it's not God's plan. Why should I need to rely on God's plan? But it makes sense to me; why there is an angel there watching over us working together, and that this is actually as an part of reality we need to deal with because they represent powers we would like to have, and they will teach them to us. If we are willing to believe in what form they come in, without being seen by the naked eye, then maybe this process represents an example of how we can interact with God. Or any angel, therefore, if they wish.
It's not the same as knowing something scientifically for I doubt we will ever be able to measure them. Or maybe we already are but don't realize it. Instead, I affirm the role science plays in this civilization while suggesting there is more to it than that. We learn what God wants for our lives through story telling. You don't need to be an scientist to know an good story; though I would argue we all are, scientists, to varying degrees, in order to write. All writing is the story of writing and we find ourselves trapped in an kind of a-logic environment in it; so it is associated with poor posture and crippling levels of computer-human interface. And nothing more. Being an writer means being an artist, whose truths are reclaimed from past human experience, or politics, and do not need to be measured scientifically for the stories tell themselves. Or perhaps it is the most poignant that they do not! And this proto-cultural (an art, an object) type of existence. Is really Scientific Culture being expressed alongside Artistic Culture and that they boost and shape one another. Arts with its faith-shaped reminding system that power and not everything can be based on faith. Scientists do not need to say they have faith in Science. But many artists do, and it is that philosophy/(la philosophie) they contribute their optimism toward, for they are inhuman actors unable to become scientific because of power structures which prevent them from experimenting and pursuing an career in science.
The anti-gay power structure is phallic and that they would use the phallus as an symbol of hetero-climactic gene cleansing is ridiculous to us. By eliminating gay people and their voices, whom are never going to be gone completely anyway (because we integrate them in our psychology by memory). (For one another). This seems like an deep method for empathizing for one another. And by the way testosterone is not responsible for determining whether someone is gay or not. I have heard (on the Big Bang Theory) that when men compete with one another they produce more testosterone, and what I see snarled up in how they need to in order to be straight; and the boy's perspective on this is distorted by some evil process in history. Children are pressured to believe that losing is gay, and so they must always be competitive with everyone else in an aggressive way on the terms of their own false belief system. When I chose not to be like that they around me blamed me for not being able to prove "it," that I was one of them, an snarl, and that was why I was gay; I had chosen it as my path because, they said, I was determined that way. But I always thought of myself as stronger than them for being able to recognize it was their behavior and their rejection in which they used me sexually (community driven) without my consent in order to advance themselves in society.
Maybe it's true that there are more ways to compete than we can count. And the type of competition that was demanded from them I was not comfortable with. They pushed it on me anyway. But does that mean I am less capable of producing testosterone because of an mannerism with an exterior locus of control (theirs) or do I have the most testosterone for being able to get past them doing this to me with an interior locus of control (mine). And is most testosterone not an real category because everyone's body is different? To equate non-violence to mean "not coherent in society: which is male, aggressive; not gay," not able to join the competition in his instinct and lousy and worthless to you without any consideration for the type of competition I would like to participate in. Market reciprocity. Making money. Poetry and Discourse. I prefer competing at non-physical activities which are mentally challenging.
The appreciation of sports, for example.
Maybe not as much as anyone educated for an occupation outside of sports. (Yes, we exist). But they will never admit it. I want to end that ill-legacy of whom/whose abuse one for showing signs of weakness in order to correct that behavior, straighten it, an cycle that continues to weigh heavy on my mind, for I was subjected to it as much as any potential life partner I could have was subjected to it; and that created an deep personal drive in me to protect my mate. And had that power structure not been in place. And when I think, all I can remember about my whole life is this struggle to change the ugly pattern. The toxic worse than death fate, the price of "masculinity" in society. To be unthinking. Primal. Verile. Gay feminism will need to take action to defeat the toxicity in society.
To be relentless to defeat an opponent who is everywhere and typically male is sexist and non-consensual. I do not consent. I refuse to be sexually violated as though I was subject to it genetically; by some blown-up picture of the masculine that he join the competition at an early age for mates by dehumanizing everyone around him in order to fail to be feminist enough to qualify as being gay. For an gay male not to feel like it is my failure (to disagree with them) BECAUSE I am an faggot and that's what they "do." My failure to understand the animal part of the human, which has no thoughts. Only fucking and fighting. My failure to see it was true that I had to conform in an certain way. Which I didn't like. My failure to overcome being gay by being like mean, distally incompetent grunts whose reciprocity with sex means holding their own in some kind of sexual relationship with anybody they choose, and that all people are reciprocal subjects of oneself, an male sexuality held to be united to empiricism that everyone must admit to doing, or the consequence is aggression enacted against you. I am only human; I don't want to live in an Social Darwinist world where we are not conscious participants of our own evolutionary development, which is unlike animals for we have the ability to plan far, far in advance. And we need to. That's the human in us wanting to be protected in the way that animals are not. By gentleness and passivity.