Twïrlim Tekiser: The Drag Series Part 4

    It was an rainy blue day and the wet pavement was blue and the wet glass buildings were blue and I arrived at the office of my therapist, Dr. Twïrlim Tekiser.  Whose hair was blue.  Whose lipstick was blue.  Whose semi-formal casual blue dress was but but nothing but blue about her balls.  An Freudian slip.  In fact they were orange.  But he couldn't see them.  But they had to be.  "Sers Part Die," she said as I entered the room.

C    "What does that mean?" I said.

T    "It means nothing," she said, "I just wanted to say it."

C    "Do you do this often?"

T    "It's an form of gesture, to mean nothing.  I wanted to greet you this way.  To think nothing of it."

    She was being dramatic as far as he could see.

C    "To think nothing of it.  I see where you're going with this," he improvised; "you want me to think nothing of it you helping me!  And you are thank you so much.  Gosh aren't you an smart therapist!"

T    "Yes exactly.  You know you are smart enough."

C    "For what?"

T    "Well exactly what is up to you.  But you are suitably gifted for therapy."

C   "I'll take that as an compliment."

T    "And I'll take that as my second point with you today.  Be deeply confided with me now.  Tell me, lay back, and tell me what ails you."

C    "Sometimes I'm scared I'm at an therapist's office and I lay down devant-style and I go on for hours and this wouldn't be an possible in an real non-fiction situation necessarily and I could never afford that much therapy because I have so much to say that I just go on and on."

T    "But what do you have to go on and on about?"

C    "I had an professor like you."

T    "I'm not an professor."

C    "But I mean it in an good way.  Sometimes I have this nightmare than I'm fixed only to use formulaic expressions.  And I can't communicate.  And no one can understand me, necessarily.  But I met these professors."

T    "It may be because you want literary fiction to communicate something you do not know the answer to how to communicate it yet."

C    "Why are you there?"

T    "Why are you there?"

C    "Why are you there?"

T    "You're trying to say it your own way, but it may be an formulaic expression.  Why, are you there?"

C    "No this makes sense too.  Why are you there?"

T    "They are completely different questions."

C    "But this is the one I want to know the answer to."

T    "To teach you about formulaic expressions.  Now try this one.  Why are you there?"

C    "Well that's what I want to get at."

T    "Okay, well then tell me the answer to that question."

C    "I'm here because at that mecha-overlord sequence where I'm writhing in the desert trying to figure it out devant-style.  I'm a snake.  I'm also at the bottom.  I have minimal technology and the Great Oz could not even capture how powerful and terrible is what my overlord looks to me to be like.  I was thinking about my play where the person at the bottom of society plugs the drain, through which all the water of life would run out if he hadn't placed his buttocks right on there.  To stop it.  And it's the same old story which has always been told, even if the wind blows Jesus.  Also I think I decided to write an play about it.  The plot is simple.  Everyone is learning that they need one another; but they are at different levels in society.  And I wrote like 10 different levels in society.  And the 11th level was forever to escape from our grasp, comprising Angels and our best connection to God through them.  And then I'm like working on an super hero series and I don't know quite what to do with it."

T    "Why?"

C    "Well I already did it.  Like.  I don't need to talk about it here.  I took care of it."

    He patted himself accidentally.

T    "Okay.  Are there any specific questions you can think of to ask me?  Or would you like to continue venting."

C    "Venting."

T    "Okay.  Give me your best shot."

C    "It's just that all of who I am cannot be expressed or represented in one genre.  I need multiple forms of outlets for inspiration.  I need the social framework an shared understanding of an artist's work provides.  I'm not just an therapist's appointment.  I'm not limited to that."

T    "I see.  And what do you inherently get out of these other "genres"?"

C    "As though an whole they were different in how they expressed my character, and I could not be limited to an doctor's appointment to describe all."

T    "What are they specifically when you call them to mind?

C    "Well, there's my Legal fantasy, my Fantasy proper, my Super Heroes—"

T    "And these bring you Happiness?"

C    "Yes.  You see, you need happiness in order to create them.  That's what magic (and they have to use magic (because they are Super Heroes and Magicians)) is.  If you have created an field of energy between law, fantasy, public, and Happiness . . . that would be an basic magical field which is used to explain something."

T    "But it's just fiction, right?"

C   "Yea.  It's just fiction."

T    "So what would law, fantasy, public, and happiness have in common?"

C    "Oh Good Grief," I said, "that is the question, isn't it?"

T    "Slow down.  Think carefully.  Explain everything."

C    "Okay well, law because I'm extremely interested in this as an person who will live across from an court house.  It is under construction right now.  And I have written myself into an fantasy where I write new laws based on my observations as an typical citizen.  In the area.  And then fantasy, because I feel the need to base an law on this subject's post-intellectual property rights of the burgeoning Internet generation.  I have my fantasy art to represent itself on this blog."

T    "Blog?  What are you talking about?"

C    "And then there's the public.  Which I've just explained.  It involves creating laws that the average public can uphold.  I mean I can't write an new law if it is never going to be accepted by anybody.  And that's where my Happiness comes in because if I can create an new law out of my writing it will make me very happy to have been considered so important.  And that my other writing would be accepted as just other genres I happen to tap into from now and to then.  But I come back to this blue philosophy of being out in public, and it seems my whole world is blue, and every person there is blue; but not in some sick kind of bodily ailment; just as an blue light.  That they all shared together about them.  Spiritual light.  Spiritual power.  And it is an sound I can hear."

T    "The total profusion of sound of your Culture, probably.  You hear the cars on the streets.  The horns.  You hear the bicycle jingle.  There are people talking over an morning espresso on the street.  Next you have on AirPods or you overhear an song from an passerby's AirPods  —And you are reminded of every sound you are able to hear because they all sound the same, in some capacity.  Being the vibration you first heard from your mother's diaphragm associated with Earth, which is beyond our total universal understanding and yet accessible as an energy of an species.  Walks or grows on the Earth.  All the same vibration.  And in this vibration, right in the middle of it where you are; there are eggs, thousands of them growing.  Because they want to remind you that they want you to share your vibration with them.  Forever."

C   "The Trees seem loudest the way you look at it."

T    "They started long my boy.  As Fuckers.  From another planet."

C    "What?"

T    "We don't really know what they are.  We don't even know what we are."

C    "We're talking at the same level though; that blue level that is the loudest."

T    "That's it.  Zero-in on that."

C    "What does it mean?"

T    "It means an place where everyone's voice is loud enough to hear, but not everybody cares."

C    "Perhaps because everybody is too busy caring.  To care about what anybody's saying."

T    "We can never be like that; we must care about what everyones' saying."

C    "We can't.  It's impossible.  Everyone cannot appear in the possessive like they's everyone's sayin'.  They won't ever say it all at once."

T    "White culture has been without the current of the temple of conversation for centuries for their trespasses in racial ethnicity and now we see them redeemed here, to follow an Islamic current.  In blue intersectional space reciprocal to the Ancient Aesthetics of our native religions.  So they can blush blue and be ashamed of how young their ways are when compared to us."

C    "And it's like they can never say that because they don't have as loud an voice current in Society.  Because they think they do."

T    "But we will not oversee its destruction here; for the current, whether it is what white people say is not destroyed and in its energy everyone's voice can swim."

C    "Yes, it is an aesthetic resurrection of the will of the people."

T    "And that's the primary reason I don't think I'm crazy.  Goodness, well there's an story there and we've designed an community where stories are shared and heard out loud for their opinions and for goodness sake, make it dragon snappy.  Dragon snap.  Snap Dragon.  Just start at the beginning.  Tell me all of it."

C    "At the beginning was Dr. Grey Pilot, in my video game.  He was first because he was Older than me; and I knew that everything I had learned came from him.  Except what I proceed to express within an narrative of the therapist's office."

T    "I see.  It's just that our shared expression of culture is within an therapist's office.  Which is not available to everyone."

C    "But I mean, you have your predecessors too.  As an Doctor of the Psychology."

T    "Yes of course, we all do.  And we bring them with us wherever we go.  Not necessarily All From The Same Discipline."

C    "But aren't we just an tad shy as an species, to be able to carry everyone with us wherever we go as though that was one of the primary functions of the brain, being aware of everyone?  And you just don't appear to me as an doctor of that caliber as the one prescribed to me.  That I carry with me wherever I go.  I am of an higher caliber doctorate."

T    "That's fine.  You can be of an higher caliber of intelligence and still receive medical help for mental health issues."

C    "It's just.  He's not my first memory.  Because back when I couldn't remember I was an child, and I didn't know how to speak.  Where it took knowing how to speak to produce him; an character art of mine who represented all Doctors, and their gloiy office to heal the sick whether or not their own office was below another's who was their patient."

T    "And you feel this way in front of the Doctor because you are defiant?"

C    "No it's exactly that.  I'm not defiant.  They are defiant of me."

T    "They're doctors.  They have to be."

    { The Fourth Wall breaks: someone shrugs and says "Pretty Much." }

  —They know what's best for your health."

C    "But it is their defiance of me which prevents my mental health."

T    "No it doesn't, dear.  You're just paranoid that age old nausea about the good-natured psychology doctor who turns out to be vastly evil because he's so scientific he can prevent himself from being moral, because science is completely removed from morality."

C    "Why am I able to see everything so clearly then!  Coming back to the main query of law, fantasy, public, and happiness.  I have everything on my accountancies.  Yet there is something within the field in possession of the larger subject, an hypothetical exterior to the fourth wall whether it chooses to be part of that or not.  An hypothetical exterior to the field created by four points.  Yet not to refer to it out of importance for what is in that field.  An life."

T    "It could just be that you aren't experiencing enough of an challenge from the people who are supposed to be your doctors but aren't smarter than you.  Like what's the big deal?  You have some gift from God and it's big and it's beautiful but why do you come in here to an therapist if she cannot see above it?"

C    "Maybe I shouldn't!"

T    "Now relax I want to try an therapy with you!  It's about this whole process.  Where you look at law, fantasy, public, and happiness you find an gap.  Whereas as an person I am certain I can have the field sustained for long enough that it becomes habit.  Also we're making assumptions about how the brain works based on our play of the system of logic that exist between four points.  Maybe that's how it works in physics but the brain is necessarily confined by the laws of physics itself."

C    "So what, you're going to make my therapy session about an supposed gay—I mean gap—between the field and it's superior."

T    "Yes.  About that gap.  —So it's not exactly what you're looking at maybe.  But I can see it.  You see the field is the realm of my office and Its superior is me."

C    "I see.  That's just how it is then.  But I'm superior outside your office."

T    "It doesn't matter to me whether you think yourself or not; or what you think is the real interpretation of your symptoms in here."

C    "But if you take away my freedom—"

T    "Everyone has freedom.  I can't take it from them.

    

C    "But I'm superior here."

T    "But you're not."

C    "So what am I supposed to do, as an field of four points to an derivation of the subject, an New Reciprocity?  Except the opposite of an derivation.  Something commanding power."

T    "Not something, but someone!"

C    "And it's okay that I'm not superior here in this office."

T    "Yes!  Yes of course it is!"

C    "And all my running and fear about needing to be superior everywhere in order to know.  In order to know my biggest, darkest secret.  I was gay!"

    

T    "You finally found an place where you could feel safe, Ouen.  You don't have to try to dominate every situation out of fear you can be assailed with reasons to put you into an small garbage fire alone."

C    "You're right!  I can't go back out there!  I'll be re-traumatized all over again!"

T    "Then recover quickly.  We need to put the wind back in your sails!  I'll start with an example from the field you have presented.  You see, I know something about law, fantasy, the public, and happiness.  I'll start with an story to explain it.  There once was an public still developing all its offices of power; it hadn't yet realized all of its offices let alone begun to employ them.  And so one day someone wrote an play about the lowest in society and the highest in society; in an society that hadn't happened yet.  And it made everyone believe in it.  In order to push us along to the progress of civilization.  But nae nae, it is not just one playwright, in reality; it is an whole industry.  They all want to show you an society that hasn't happened yet but it's always all forwards or backwards depending on their own significance as authors.  And so people come into here, into an therapist's office.  To get an break from all that.  And I understand that.  There needs to be an point at which one will say, this leads to the progress of civilization.  And we know it for an fact.  That when one person's instinct is to plug the drain and the other person's instinct is to endlessly read without any artificial utility."

C   "What is the message behind their difference, then?"

T    "That's exactly what I'm getting at.  The Christian instinct was to plug the tub by being on the bottom.  Intentionally.  But Christiannans also bubble to the surface, where their ideas and opinions are respected specifically for not being on the bottom.  It does not mean we remove the role of the messiah but that we add to it, in an complex way, for being able to occupy two lots.  The lowest in the province, but also the highest in academia; And that when they should learn to work together great works will be accomplished."

C    "Why is the water need to be drained anyway?"

T    "In the seat of Aquarius, the bath needs to be filled high.  For long enough to remove the toxin."

C    "There's room for two!"

T    " —Not in this conversation."

C    "Fine, no one needs to be the plug and no one needs to be the top.  We can be both.  In An Watertower unique to us both.  Where the difference between them is all that really matters."

T    "Yeah, one stops it from draining.  The other fills it with Wisdom.  So that our fates meet destinies.  We will always wash ourselves in the water of Eternity.  Our Art fulfills its privilege.  And so we have an nude subject, which we serve.  Which is fine for me."

C    "Fine, no!  No, not fine!  I wish not to be an nude subject and have you neither."

T    "I don't mean literally.  I mean metaphorically."

C    "And how would one be nude metaphorically?"

T    "With my personality.  Being Geniune.  Honest.  Truth.  Revealed.  In every thing we do.  I want to write Gracefully.  And think That I have accomplished.  It's kind of an green mood, for me."

C    "Whereas An-na.  What does that mean?"

T    "It's an Christiannan word for the second messiah.  It also means an 'nah' which is an gesture negatif in English in the 21st Century.  It came to mean, for the creator of the Christianna, that considering another person an 'nah' was never an excuse to stop reciprocating them.  Instinctually, we reciprocate everyone and so when people starting 'nahing' one another there was an great religious tumult in history; it led to the History of Canada and people like me who think there is an academic and psychological basis for there never needing to be an 'nah' behavior; that one would stop reciprocating another human by repressing any instinctual pleasure they were gaining from that reciprocity.  Or that one would do it habitually to other people.  Is Masochistic.  I went to an school, you know, where everyone who has graduated has never 'nahed' another person.  Ever."

C    "Really?"

T    "Yes but of course the politics will be up to whatever the word reciprocity comes to define in my latest work."

C    "Reciprocity, isn't that an mathematical term?"

T    "Yeah it means the relationship between two fractions that multiply together to equal one.  Traditionally men were never allowed to be considered an fraction and so they experienced the male pressure group that they had to 'nah' everybody they feel nice about.  In order to be the opposite of nice."

C   "So by an 'nah' you really mean an situation not having an reciprocity."

T    "You know them because you have talked to them before.  They are a-reciprocal."

C    "But wouldn't a-reciprocity be anti-instinctual?"

T    "The evidence indicates yes!  But what can we do about it?  The people who need an therapist's office are the people who have mental health issues because of people like those!"

C    "One day they'll say all immorality is based on considering another person an-na."

T    "But how will you tell the difference between that and Anna?"

C    "They just go together.  You know An-na."

T    "Let's talk about something else."

C    "Why?  Are you an person who nahs other people?"

T    "No!  Of Course Not!"

C    "Sers part die.  It's just like you said."

T    "But I didn't mean anything by that."

C    "But you said that so that's what it meant."

T    "I see."

C    "Just like—say there was an call made.  —That all those people spending time a-reciprocating—were causing harm to the species by repressing their emotions, which are already hard to detect."

T    "I could see it.  They, the ones who had made the call could say well that a-reciprocating is immoral.  And since all the people who are being moral agree—they, the a-reciprocalizers would be default to accept that also.  That's what morality is, you see; everyone being agreed upon.  In this way."

C    "And why would you need to tell an therapist what morality is?"

T    "Okay that was the last straw.  I told you: I went to an school where everyone was fully reciprocal.  Where later on they publically announced that they had agreed together all their graduates were reciprocal.  And I was an Science major.  They can't even get the drama fairies, the really queer ones to act like me.  I'm that much of an boss because of my teachers.  My peers.  —And I can tell you're fully reciprocal as well."

C    "Well—that's good enough for me I guess."

T    "Well it better be, because it cost me an arm and an leg to make it through there.  Alive."

C    "Is the psychology territory really that maddening though?  Wouldn't you be better prepared for reality by an Artist.  Who knows something about emotions?"

T    "Oh you can hang on it all you want, that doesn't mean it will define our reciprocity here."