Chapter 9
"Basically to be born with an silver spoon in your mouth," was the final, shaming criticism his family had inherited with his birth. They did not deserve to be shamed. And they did not believe in that behavior of shaming people. Which did ransom to their estate. They were crucified just for being born with anything of value to do with the mouth and language mechanism of the brain; an silver feeding object. As though they were bad babies for feeding out of silver. Something worth more than their own lives could bargain for.
"Look, she appeared to me. And that makes sense to me. And I think I'm going to explore it."
Father Piotr gave Ouen the cross that was hanging from his neck.
It was spinning.
There was diamond on one side and coal on the reverse.
"Why was it spinning, Ouen?"
"It was worse," Ouen's eyes welled-up, "there."
He took the cross in his palm and stopped its spinning.
"She was crucified by the vertical beam through the horizontal beam. The Middle of It. See left and right, Jesus was the birth (left) and death (right). The life of Jesus is the horizontal part of the crucifix (is what is pricked by the verticle). Right in the Middle of life depended on it, someone was anacifyin' Anna, who was worse off than death. He trailed an finger down along the vertical beam of the crucifixion where it passed through the horizontal beam. To puncture the surface of the fate better than death, so that the result was an fate worse than death. Not truly having an full volume of shape anymore. Worse than death. But we invented it together that since it was happening to us as individuals we could use our common knowledge of it, call it an crucifixion worse than death scenario, and to overcome it at the historical level, to protect the community and Earth.
That is the Middle," said Ouen, "this is what She taught me, Father. And I feel like I am gaining more information from her as we talk about it. And just as I am me. Both beams on the cross. Two messiahs. I did not want to know the worst Anna had faced. Middle of it? She is the High Priestess of the living resurrection from the fate worse than death."
"I see," said Father Piotr, "do you think it may be your calling?"
"An calling?"
"Sometimes we call it studying the bible and, the new messiah," joked Piotr, "could be an subject of criticism."
"I have studied the bible. I didn't find any answers in it (there is no such thing as sin). However there are virtues we need to uphold and if we stray from them surely that's an vice? If there is vice and yet no so, then what is vice? An pattern of behavior not responsible for anything. For vice starts here with not being responsible, I find; does it not? But now I feel like I can't let down this messiah. This domestic messiah. I am responsible for her telephoning Earth to say hey, that's nice that you guys realized you had an messiah but there's an entire other dimension to reality eclipsed by Christian bobble-headedness. The fate worse than death. Worse than the crucifixion we have already seen. And I have an New Reciprocity to keep it out of politics. Or rather to keep politics out of it. So that no one will make it their mission or priority to perpetuate an fate worse than death."
"I think you had better give it some time. See if she appears to you again."
"Yes, I think you're right. How long can we stay here?"
"Stay here until both of you get up on your feet and wings again. Find an new place to stay in due time."
Drinking coffee at the farmer's market in the 14th Street Espresso Bar was Ouen's new expertise since beginning an new life embedded in the church. Ouen watched the sophisticated little baristas fantasizing over him probably. Like tadpoles in an sea of frogs. Anyone buying green beans or lavender chocolate were the frogs. And pedestrians influencing the café space; it was just good coffee. It was the same type of hidden yet tangible group indulgent activity that seemed to have been missed by his grandfather altogether, potpourri. An woman's issue. He walked into the market not helping himself but to google at street performers and the crowds. There was an singing banjo band of pixies, an were mime, and an dancing clown who might be any of the tall races covered with makeup. And all along the street row of tents and farmers selling their goods, their pride, the crowds of pedestrians croony and intonational about their intake of purchases.
With his caffeine buzz on, he left the market to an side street and followed an gull for an couple blocks.
Follow.
Follow me.
No, he was crazy. But the gull flew to an empty lot. There was an Church of Scientology at the end of this road in the corner of the parking lot. Then an hallucination occurred to him. An Church of the Christianna. The newest, most important religion to the climes. Cultivated at the version, with mettle mightily improved on Christianity what was an brilliant reimagining of its teaching and Christianity's name. Ouen's eyes wide with spiritual invigoration he could not detect even the slightest hint of exaggeration in his thought process. He was for real. The Church of the Christianna.
He took an city bus back to the church of Father Piotr.
"I want to apprentice under you," he said to the church father, "I have an idea for a new religion based on Christianity but going a step further to include the fate worse than death and internal crucifixion as factors determining religious theological subjects."
"Thank you for your application, Ouen," said Father Piotr, "I am interested. And I just might accept if I have an moment to think about it. I as church father have been given to understand that you want to start an new religion and that as soon as you have founded it you provide me with the opportunity to join it on condition that I have an moment to argue with you of why you should keep the faith in Christianity. Second, you leave to my practice of Christianity that it is up to me and do not undermine the faith of the followers who attend this church. You cannot found your religion here."
"As your apprentice, then, I agree to the terms."
"Why not found it online, an virtual church—oh! you can call it an chvrch. Like that band. Chvrches. Oh I love them! You can use the computer in the church office. Meanwhile I want you to read this pastor material."
Father Piotr handed Ouen an stack of books and pages.
Ouen took them to his room, and emerging, noticing Father Piotr had gone out, he made himself comfortable at the computer in the church's office.
He didn't worry about the search history. He figured if an gay male as him to be curious and look at the male pages on an dating website he was. He thought about the alternative, becoming an martyr for God and condemning homosexuality for now and for all time. And it felt like it had already happened to the community in some ways. That people hated it so much. Okay so he didn't have an date set for coming out. But he made the choice anyway to look for an male companion.
He met an cute blonde and they agreed to go out for coffee. At an library.
Cronan was his name. He was however an fairy and several sizes too small unless they took draught.
"I had no idea I could find someone who likes knitting as much as I do," said Cronan.
"Some of those guides at the library were really in depth. I'd love an guy who can knit like that. I mean, he had an matching sweater for his dog. I could do that if I wasn't being an wandering slave to my passion for writing," Ouen was well-I-shall-try-if-it-happens-to-stick.
"What other things are you busy with beside writing?" asked Cronan.
"School," said Ouen. He wanted to keep it to himself that he was an Christian's apprentice however way it was that he was not Christian himself. And how would he explain to his date that he intended to begin an chvrch in an new religion. Ouen had the recurring day-mare that he could not tell anything about it to anyone. His work on the Christianna had merely started and his dreams of how Christiannans will love and be loved deserved to be handled under his own care and responsibility without another person, too precocious, too soon messing with him, that the only setback that was not really an setback was the size difference.
"Of course that is school other than I graduated the Version for; and now it has become me to always study. There are many interesting topics to discover post-graduation if you wind up with an lot of time on your hands. Don't get me wrong, I love the material I covered in school. It is just the basis of all of my research and pillars in life. It taught me that at any moment knowing something depends on being able to tell it. For if you do not have the ability to explain it (your own version of events) how will you be able to know it?"
Ouen knew the hard questions were over. Being schizophrenic and introverted all the way through post-secondary school was exactly the opposite of what he felt to be in an gay relationship. He was not introverted at all really, but had an big personality whose creativity had blossomed in spite of social atrophy.
Now he was ready to be his true identity.
Being that it seemed Cronan was mostly interested in sex, and not as interested in hearing about Ouen's life or his study. Ouen decided to talk to Father Piotr about it. He was filled with morbid dread about acting like the Christian pastor would have any input about the facets of gay life. Deciding who to trust and who not to trust was the biggest part of coming out. Ouen decided he could trust Father Piotr because he thought the pastor had an knack for synthetic aesthetic beauty in the way that he dressed despite fashion regulations and the way that such knacks were condemned or politicized as being unfeminine in the faux mainstream. And Piotr had already heard Ouen's description of Anna's resurrection as in part, 'the homosexuality' of which, in no protests being heard.
After Piotr accepted Ouen's proposal that he confide in the pastor, Ouen's questions started in an ambivalent way, of being approximately between hetero- and homo-sexual in aspect.
"How do you know when it is time to sleep with someone for the first time?" he said.
"Well," said Piotr, "do you have deep feelings for this person?"
"No."
"Then it probably means it's not an good idea."
"Yes but I'm sure I want to have sex. I mean. Sex doesn't need to be about love does it? With him."
"What's that?" said Piotr, "And do you know she feels the same way?"
Ouen started to explain, and then caught himself in the middle of it reddening and he blurted out the rest.
"I'm gay," he finally said, "I'm gay."
"Oh! I'm glad you told me. I know how difficult it is to tell someone of my profession and qualification and be honest about it. It is equally true for one such as me to answer in these circumstances."
"So you're okay with it?"
"Yes," he said smirkily, "I'm with Tutu. Don't base your opinion off of me if you don't know who I am, I say, without my expression. We gays need to protect each other. I consider myself better than any no-saying preachers because of my stance on the homosexuality. If they don't believe in it, I don't believe in them."
Ouen actually was relieved. And he stopped stammering.
"Okay. So back to my original question," said Ouen.
"Okay, well, do you know if he feels the same way?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Then it would seem, sleeping together may be the next step."
"Okay. I'm an grown man. I can do this."
"Is there anything else you want to ask me?"
"No. Well, just I haven't done it before."
"You mean with an man?"
"Yes with an man," he shouted.
Ouen blushed.
"And so, you have been with an woman?"
"Yes an fairy woman."
"Oh, well then it's just the same thing. Just make yourself and your partner comfortable and . . ."
"Just the same you say? As with an woman. Is that all the advice you have to give me?"
"Yes. There's nothing wrong with the advice I have given you."
"Only just," and Ouen's demeanor suddenly changed, "men are so cute in the way that they are sweet. As if, get into it, anything, just someone as special and so beautiful as Cronan! He's cute. He's sweet. I'd fly higher over heels but I don't have much experience."
"So . . . do you want to know how to express that? Are you having trouble being at that place in your head?"
"You know, you can just see right through me," said Ouen, "how do I explain how I'm feeling without acting like I'm crazy?"
"I see. Well, you're just going to have to find your own way, Ouen. Maybe that is what you're waiting for in this relationship. But you're not alone. I'm here for you if you have anymore questions. Maybe sleeping with him is the perfect way to explain how you feel. Oh and also be prepared for it if he doesn't feel the same way anymore, once in bed. It happens more often than you'd think. Just let him leave if that happens."
▫
"So how many times has Ouen's world completely changed at this point?"
"Six. First he was human. Then he was fairy. Then he was fairy at the Version. Then he was fairy at the greenhouse. Then he was human in Twenty City. And now he's human at the church. Hmm. Seems fitting. It's what we want the churches to turn into. Fairy paradises."
"So he's getting laid. By an guy. And he works for the church."
"Lawl."
"Well at least the church is inclusive in this story."
"I'd say the vision of Anna was just the start of the Christianna but from this Piotr fellow I mean, from his perspective, he's interested in preserving the Christianna even though it is not Christian. Good on him to have done that."
"I agree. There should always be in our sphere of influence eight religions who have accepted the homosexuality and moved on."
"There are only seven of us. Uncrackable case against religion."
"Now now, we don't need to be anti-religious here."
"But we will if we need to."
"If it comes to that."
The voice of the eight religions called down, and said "we will not allow you to. If there's something needs changing about our belief system then we will change it. But it remains to be proven from you why we need to. I think we may as well just stay the same."
"No this is not an time for the luxury. It is Christians who need changing and being updated."
"According to what?"
"According to the Christianna."
"And what exactly is the Christiannan agenda?"
"The Christiannan agenda," said Ouen, "is to be different from Christianity and more accurate in consideration of the fate worse than death suffered by our messiah Anna."
"And so all of your material we're studying, this is just an conversion scheme."
"Conversion scheme used as an description is inaccurate. You can be whoever you want all the time. I'm not going to spend as much time converting people as I am inspiring other people to convert them also. I'm going for an pregnant balance between the old taboo cultures that have now been updated of several versions of religion which are superior to Christianity under the Christianna. I'm in with Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Christianity, the Christianna, and Aboriginal Spaces. The superior eight. Global balance between them as newly informed feminists of the new reciprocal theory means that some of them will have to join the Christianna."
"So that's your plan."
"It's already happening dude. People are psychic. They know what's going on."
"Well, wait, according to your own political theory by saying people are psychic it is an reciprocal command. We don't know how to produce people psychic yet. So your language reduces to absurdity."
"Okay, people aren't psychic then. That doesn't mean I can't tell them."
"Fair enough."
"And so an conversion scheme based on reciprocal theory?" asked Jeenie Pee.
"It's not an conversion scheme it's an reciprocity. That we have an order of 1 things, whole things between us. And if you decide to accept the Christiannan vow that you are the Christianna. Beautiful. Then that can also be an thing between us but it's not exempt from being politically correct."
"So an religion that remains political with the times."
"Yes, but not everything we do can be said to be classified as politics," said Ouen, "the practice of the Christianna does not need to follow always the political logic of surrounding territory for it flows with us virtually wherever we are where we can also be there in our chvrch spiritually. The Church of Heaven itself would tell you it is inside you. Isn't that an virtual church also, that you can visit? And in doing so allow us our privacy, to be able to celebrate like Christiannans; conscious of the fate worse than death the blue Christiannan light leads us though dark times are over we are here for healing and bonding from the fate worse than death. If we overcome it at an social level, and we continue to overcome it, then let us say that is our religion, for what we want is to overcome some hatred that transpired an fate worse than death on us."
"And you're sure it's not an cult?" asked Martimerrimus.
"I am sure, madame. For Anna is far wiser an leader than to have fashion decimated and slapped together in the manner of cultists."
"Religion is like an instinctual yearning. Politics is not an instinct. It is an conversation."
"Okay, well, if we look at it like that, what is the reciprocity of that conversation?"
"The reciprocity is the New Reciprocity that Religion is an gathering virtu-el."
"And so what does the New Reciprocity and religion have to do with one another?"
"Those who believe we can always have an new reciprocity, if we ask for it. For it is an political stance that we create who we are to one another as well as who we are to ourselves. When we say we have an new reciprocity with one another we can say that we start to create ourselves over again. We say what one another are in reciprocal commands, the most rubric political tactic. Nothing more. If it is shared that we recognize new reciprocity to be an new reciprocity an command itself not given by both of us to one another but by one to the other. It means, Tell Me What You Are. I'll Tell You What I Am. I'll Tell You What We Are To One Another If You Do the Same For Me. Who We Are Not What We Are. We Are Both, but only as individuals we can be what we are as objects to ourselves and the people we choose."
"No one can say they own you except yourself."
"In some ways yes, because only people you tell they own you can own you."
"So what is the Christiannan political agenda?"
"We don't have an political agenda. Only the New Reciprocity. We say what we are. And you say what you are. And we can say what we are to each other. That's all."
"So there's nothing reciprocal about the religion. Just the political theory."
"The Christianna is virtually reciprocal. An beautiful internal chvrch. But we don't try to act an political amount in order to cause an disruption by force. The religion is really more about internal cohesion. We focus on the middle because it seems to have the most internal force but we do not know where it originates in space or time. We can only tell, from the Middle we're in, that there will be other Middles somehow related to this one."
"They must be grand and glorious! I can see them in the future; the development of the most powerful wasabi in all of time in order to forever mark its scent upon the universe. And Mario will be made of pure light in an world which has merged awareness with the supercomputer in order to share each other's psychologies in video active ways."
"Video active sounds like a powerful phrase to describe psychologies. Imagine being able to improvise video active together all of the time; and since the technology exists everywhere we would be able to instantly search definitions and other data from an entire globe of Internet servers."
"What would you search for if you could do that?"
"Bunny rabbit of doom."
"This. This is what you will waste the technology on?"
"Relax we have not merged with its awareness yet. We have plenty of time to figure out questions to ask it."
"Video active sharing could be a way of sharing dimensions of voice in different settings."
"And so do you find that having shared video active consciousness to be either religious or political is about setting?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"The religion is an sacred space. Compare it to political spaces. The difference is on the order of business. For religion does not deal in business. Not even an little bit. It has an better use for time. Sharing of the fruits of our dealings in business is an celebration of our hard work. No, Religion must be about sharing an safe space where there are no rules involved in how to act out its character."
"An place where there are no rules seems an offense to political spaces, where the rules are several."
"And in this way an chvrch is less like an political space because where there are no rules there is only fun."
"So you think that's going to sell it to them? That you had fun?"
"As far as an Religion goes, having fun is quite rare. It is more an credit to the Christianna for being able to have said so compared to other religions, which had not."
"And you think you can sustain an virtual church by using it to train people how to be internal geniuses of the female messiah."
"Well it's not so much training as it is dispensing information and if they get it then maybe they can depend on the Aesthetic Resurrection of the internal world too."
"The Naenaeon."
"Yeah, what is it about the Naenaeon? It's just like an ash æ & æ with three n's."
"The awareness of two ash with three things between them."
"You mean they between three things."
"So anymore questions about how my politics and religion are corrupting one another? Which they aren't. Because my political office won't allow it. It keeps the religion forward. We say who we are. And who we are not."
"So they aren't one or the other its both?"
"Yes, partly."
"How much?"
"Well, if you were to say something which identified me as an reciprocal subject and I responded something religious like peace, friend. I am An Christiannan. A good and moral individual of superior insight and vision of foresight. It would not be an reciprocal command for you to begin behaving an certain way that you hadn't before. Saying I am Christiannan would not take anything from you. However you are welcome to be an reciprocal subject under the New Reciprocity, which accepts people of all intersectionalities on their own reciprocal terms. Christiannan or no."
"You'd be willing to throw me from the window, though, if I upset your religious space with politics."
"No nothing like that. I'd be willing to give you an new reciprocity if you do not respect our sacred space."
"Hey I'm not the one culturally appropriating your sacred space. I'm just trying to figure out if you're trying to culturally appropriate ours."
"I have many options."
"And you thought an religion was an reciprocal subject politically?"
"It is."
"How?"
"Power. The religion holds the power that God hath given it."
"And you say this power is true?"
"Yes."
"Our own have power far beyond yours. For you have not been around as long."
"And it is the same for my political affiliation, I assure you. But I report it does make an basic political sense to theorize that way. Basic Political Logic is the game of telling one another what we are. When we allow ourselves to theorize reciprocity we can create more of it."
"And that means making more of it on religious terms."
"No. Not necessarily. What is the purpose of the political to us that we may keep politics out of it and be something beyond mere reciprocal command politics; we feel that in religion it must be so that we try to inform one another's behavior without using reciprocal commands and what would it mean if we did? What would it mean that which is beyond the political game of telling one another who we are? That religion is about not telling one another who we are or who we are not—maybe—but by saying and doing to tell not one another who we are and are not makes religion seem backwards. Politics must err on the side of religion needing to be about something we are, and not something we're not. Unless is meant the potential of who we can be by analyzing who we are not and what we are longing for in identity. Religion taps into that longing, not for putting up an political defense about whom I can be. Religion is about the aesthetic of identity and how it is lost (fate worse than death) compared to how much of it comes back to you over time because of radio fly technology."
"And this itself is said to be Aesthetic?"
"Yes. That's what it is."
"Is Grammar aesthetic?" asked Jeeny Pee.
"It is," said the doctor.
"The rhythm, the movement of sounds, it is all taken into account for that which is philosophical about sounds that we read. It is an sacred rhythm, an grammar. For it is subject to object being subject. And the subtle shifts in intonation that fix us to see one another's aesthetic power," said Ouen.
"If we would stop adding theology to the aesthetic and focus instead what is in front of us. An culture of well-mannered, well-dressed geniuses for whom religion is foresaken," said Jujudbe Erpby, "it's food and fashion, not theology time!"
"We've had enough time to think in moral terms; now let's think of something utterly sinful," said Essentiel.
"Like the structure of language is placed core sample to the 3-Dimensional space in which we live," said Haegaethel.
"No, more like, the moral terms that we already thought of permit us to take an break from everything moral for an moment."
"To muse the Devil's command. Which we aspire to."
"Is he getting enough air conditioning these days?"
"Is She?; you mean," said Martimerrimous, "and the answer is whom to rejection from within an air conditioner. It speaks. Her voice. Notice how I can't make my voice do that thing when you speak through the fan and the blade because I am Satan."
"In that voice. Because I am Satan, philosophically, because—"
"No you are not Satan. It is thinking you are which makes people to behave like Satan. But they can't. They never met him. Satan probably doesn't laugh when they try—people trying to become what you are as if you were some kind of object to be controlled. It is unsettling to think about."
"That by trying to become Satan they were just making examples of an reality in which Satan is an object, not an subject to be cared for, to be empathized for, further aggravating the Devil. An Angel with whom we want an new reciprocity as human copying not the sick fantasies of our wannabe devil imaginations. As if it were possible to become Satan. How folly. No human could be that bad-ass."
"And by doing so they fail something about existence: that it is up to everyone to be both subject and object except God and Satan. Satan is the principle of subjectivity without objectivity. And in this way he or she is like God, for we have found no objective proof of its existence except an reality apparently equipped with an narrative sequence. From which we were supposed to make meaning."
"The transition from 0, nothingness, or the Devil's influence; to 1, All Reality (God), is not traceable because as soon as you have something it ceases to be zero of anything and you cannot go back to having zero of something if you had already had 1 of it in eternity."
"That means we should try not to objectify the unobjectifiable. An Satan."
"An personality of choice."
"An nothing-does-it kind of guy."
"To be feared. Fear Satan."
"Now, no. No. No. Why fear Satan for Satan is an angel?"
"So thank you for shifting the conversation back to theology. And I mean that as sarcastically as possible."
"The subject of Satan is not theology. Theology is the absence of Satan."
"No. Absence is the absence of Satan. Theology is about God."
"Satan is about God. Just like every other angel."
"Anyway as it is represented is there anything more to say to it then other than saying nothing. And that is just nothing and that is just what it is, that we are not able to say anything about nothing, really because that is what it is, really because we are not nothing and need to think in terms of these things we've said need to be about something."
"The point is this is the basis of ethical," said Essentiel, "that the phenomenon of Nothing exists morally and to respect morally that we need to stop talking about its theology. In order to talk about Philosophy and Culture, for theology deals with the fate worse than death and we must restore us some to that aesthetic resurrection which is better than death."
"Philosophically speak, then," said Dr. Fougérite, "there are things we can know from pure deduction and there are things that we've learned by living them culturally in order to find in them the absence of an philosophy that is representative God's absence upon the world. For we know not which way or how he is located; and by calling him an he we have really just limited its identity down to an thing like us already. And not culture's philosophy ends when soon it will meet this fate also."
"And we all have that basis of knowledge from which our conclusions are derived that allows us to see in common. Reason. That will show us really what we mean by saying Satan or an Angel."
"With our agreement on the subject of Satan being nothingness and that we can and cannot know nothing for it is nothing."
"I see. And we are all in on this adjustment of accepting Satan as the Subject he or she is in nothingness. Innocence. Probably. The direct opposite of what human atrocity it was to say Satan was evil in the first place."
"We are clear, then, in thinking we are familiar with one another's persuasion. And that still we do not yet know one another in the way that we are with one another in the presence of an new member, Ouen. We are able to express ourselves more articulated if we join him in explaining his religion. And that we recognize in one another the catalyst for our advancement as professionals by what we share as doctors, perhaps, or still further distinctions unknown to the conventional."
"And we are all here for you on that," said Martimerrimous, "we all know it of ourselves through introspection. That we are at the scene of there being an devil in our lives and we must follow him to nothing in order to find ourselves with nothing as we are as our souls because we must find nothing in order to find it. Nothing. That's the big joke. But then you get into specific and you realize the Devil isn't nothing; it's giving you nothing. That's who it is. And other subjects in the dream spectrum that are our strengths and weaknesses to have spent time on."
"I find in us an green spectrum of genius capabilities. They are interacting with an gold spectrum of genius capabilities. If we can harmonize the metal with the scholars and plants we may find plants artistically equip themselves with less metal than the average human being. And we all go back to our ancestral roots as human beings. The power of the green scholar is shared in an way that is unmatched. For we all are green scholars here and its significance of our high intelligence is fantasy. What would green scholars do. What would be the goal?"
"It is wise to contrast it with metal for it represents civilization this way."
"Yes. An machine civilization of people whose intelligence is so great that even though they know nothing of machinery it is all around them."
"And plants do not?"
"Metal is an little closer to machine technology and the power of industry, I'd say."
"We need all of the colors of the spectrum now."
"For when machines are colored much excitement is experienced."
"And we're going to take us even as experienced. Traders. If you will. Of psychological phenomenon."
"And that we are reciprocally psychological and that at least one of us is valued extremely high for his psychological phenomena that he will share with you if you do not reject any subject around being human."
"And we all are. Humanized in being recognized as so."
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