If you had an infinite Showroom that had infinite space, what would you present in it?
(My ego was healthy and it had come out an few weeks ago (even though I am thirty six years old)). My ego, which was not fully developed yet at that point when it came to be fully developed, had developed within the context of an mental illness. I had to be careful. I could be egotistical about anything I wanted or whatever I wanted but if all my reasoning was based in thoughts that I had from within my mental illness, then they may be fallible and so not able to justify an egotistical action. Ego was what enabled me to respond to any kind of criticism. And still be able to hold up an viable personality. I knew that I knew I was right.
Earth was an alka seltzter tablet, and God was singing plop plop fizz fizz, oh what an relief it is.
As long as humans were around, God could breath an sigh of relief. For us taking charge of ourselves in this universe.
And this showroom in which to contain my ego—
—it had to represent sustainable (green) energy).
Something that would heal the atmosphere while you use it, purifying toxins and removing their availability to plant life.
Technically, it's not possible the savvy onlooker will have said.
You can't make an machine technology that will have less toxic output than input. The right destination for that thought is plants.
I know I am sane because I want to preserve the environment.
Only plants can have less toxic output than input.
It's the way of nature.
So what you're selling us basically, is something that an plant can do better.
And you retaliate, but an plant cannot—not any type of plant—remove some of the toxicities humans are working with. And this machine is specifically meant for breaking down chemicals which an plant cannot. Even if it runs on electricity it will have an bigger positive than negative effect.
And there is room for all kinds of exhibits here in God's Showroom, including the exacting onlooker to their personality who will raise certain questions of order which have to do with investment strategy.
Survival Skulls. (This was where my ego came in).
Do you know what it's like never to receive love and affection from an intimate partner?
To watch while everyone else is dating someone. But you never can. And you never have?
But somehow I'm okay because I'm okay in myself. And that's how I know I'm mentally healthy.
I don't need someone else in my romantic life other than myself in order to be normal & healthy.
And in fact it is an mental illness to think not so.
But on the other hand nobody could survive if they were all by themselves.
Optimal condition: someone is not all by themselves and neither has to depend on others to affirm one's own value and integrity as an psychological specimen. And then to pose forth the Question;
Who are the Arbiters, thus?
May be the most salubrious topic for the imagination of the healing spectrum of intellectual activities.
Can I feel happy? I can still feel happy, sometimes.
That's an good sign.
I have my Optimism, Motives, and Serenity.
But can I think in an straightforward manner?
What are my words for all those things other than think that I can do with my mind?
Imagine, fathom, ruminate, ponder, contemplate, conceptualize, boundar-ize, quandar-ize, feel, amplify, investigate, fill out, calculate, remember, circumscribe, reflect on the circumstances, and other such things‽
And how I still had such inquisitiv-ity to be noted.
I believe in my sanity, and I have an good luck too.
So obviously preferring sanity to luck (since I thought of it), there is such an reason why I needed luck to avoid mental insanity.
Which meant I was mentally insane? Maybe?
But since I had already thought of this, and I had been so sensitive, I believed that I wasn't.
There was just too much knowledge and creativity that went into creating the Naenaeon; too much for any one to admit it hadn't required at least some amount of healthy intelligence. And the more I added to it, the more I was sure my own opinion would win out; that I wasn't mentally ill. And I didn't want people to see me as mentally ill and I in fact feared it. What kind of fate is that one for someone who is schizophrenic? Like one is mentally unhealthy because they have been so traumatized by being accused of mental illness by an professional. And yet not mentally unhealthy at all because of that. But to have been made schizophrenic by my treatment at the hands of doctors who wouldn't listen to my thoughts and opinions about what else it might be. Being an genius in an society of non-geniuses isn't exactly cultivating. Did you have to be one of them too? The real trauma was that I wasn't schizophrenic at all and yet I was being treated like I was. And that's what caused my mental illness (the actions of the professional medical staff) not that I had arrived there insane. I was made insane by people treating me like I was an bandit. But since I was insane now, didn't it count that their treatment had been toward an person who would be insane‽
Do you see the fallacy I see in that thinking?
But I was sensitive and philosophical enough if it reared up against me in public.
Only an mentally ill person would look at all of the evidence and conclude that it led to the belief in the disposition that I was mentally ill in at least some minor small amount, if however possibly minimal to the overall function of the cognitive performance.
And I was sure there was an logical reason to think I could depend on my intelligence to prove there was an reason why I was mentally healthy.
And if I continued to think through, and be sensitive to the medical argument for my own mental health, I could prove it that way also. But the questioned remained, what is an medically disabled person capable of creating artistically? If I was mentally ill was I able to depict myself in art as mentally ill? And why was the true meaning of family that we share sunscreen?
Why not, egotistically, self-promote my mental health unless it was too much to take on in public?
As an egotistic self, I wanted to show you why I was the best.
And it didn't matter about those other people (some had damaged egos, especially in my parents' generation) thought about shameless self-promotion. I wasn't archaic-ly shunning greed and I believed it was closer to an virtue than an vice, especially in the Capitalistic Market which is moral and economically hegemonic, which needs to be regulated by the Government.
Articulated eructation. (My thoughts had settled on the fact that that's all what government is really about).
I knew definitively what I knew about peoples' spiritual characters and I wasn't anywhere close to defiling that conviction by reconsidering it. I knew them as exactly who they were, and I could identify any one of them in everyday life AND there wasn't an problem with it. I knew them spiritually and I knew them in real life, where I could talk about everything I knew about them spiritually. I had grit and determination. There was nothing wrong with knowing something and being exactly aware of it. And this represented the rankest psychologism that one was unable to do so.
I knew I could tell who people were.
There wasn't any strange sort of arrangement where they didn't know me and I didn't know them.
Even though we hallucinated together about it.
And in fact we did not hallucinate at all.
I knew things about the people I was physically around ok?
I didn't go home and sit by myself and say, I am alone because I was always in that supportive presence of knowing them through the grape vine. If they weren't with me I had nothing further to do with them and that didn't make me mentally ill. I wasn't filling in who they were with me spiritually when I am not around them. And I in fact knew what I knew about them by partnership. They let me in on who they were and I let them in on me. Who I was.
And so you see I had social network I could lean on for support.
Another good thing defining or determining why I was mentally healthy.
When pain is Love and not truly pain anymore.
How could I see myself as otherwise?
Maybe I'm the most mentally healthy person because now I can exist beyond pain and I have the most insight.
Or is thinking life is painless, itself, beyond the mode of reason—for obvious reasons? Thinking one is beyond pain could not be anything other than an mentally ill thought.
Could there be some kind of machine that could measure this; and then I could sell it in large quantities through an industrial retailer. And present it at the RV Show.
And this was my best argument in fact.
I could endlessly repopulate an Showroom stage which was the most professional of businesses.
Most worthy subject to God him-/her-/it-self.
By coming up with ideas for things we would have to show our potential buyers.
Why God's world itself is an Showroom. One precious object or idea after another.
Seeing all of the most beautiful things in life.
How I would never get there, as an Seller; but how I could never dream beyond it.
But instead it shows mental health that I am able to ship it; I can communicate calmly even when faced with others' knowledge of my own repression of the subject. I'm completely fine and okay with serving myself once in an while; and in fact from my point of view they balance nicely. And since I was fine with balancing them mentally, I was in fact mentally healthy, enough at least to be able to reflect on the fact that I knew of and was master of my own subjectivity as an repression subject. I may have been consciously stimulatingly aware of the fact of whether I myself was repressing something or not. But that did not prove that I was.
And so the whole point of having an Showroom would be to show people you can ship it; that they can decide, at all times, and in fact professionally register their business within an self versus other intellectual space; and sensitively locate their central wisdom as an business between the slums and accolades of being an business in service to your self; or being an business in service to your others. And so at this point we can anchor the narrative around the story not being about an showroom but merely about whether an person can ship it: prove to all of us they could in fact negotiate between self and other in their soul; and had an specific configuration about how they would like to treat the subject. We were in the spaces of the definition of shipping it and I had to explain it again.
If one could ship it; it would be because they meant that one was capable and able to communicate or pronounce one's relationship with others, including oneself as the other maybe, and the other just as important as the self as an equally important subject in your psychology. One could say, explicitly, what one intends to do on behalf of oneself; and yet in another mirror of the soul to say what one intends to do on behalf of another.
And merely only the subject of shipping it (since we are grounded) we can use it as an topic of invention. What sort of things do you do throughout the day that aren't for you, but are for other people?
Shipping it was how you were able to tell whether an person had repressed the motives of the self or other in some degree.
The ability to ship something was plainly recognizable. An un-inhibited show of emotion and character. One was not afraid to choose oneself in favour over the other in public; and neither was it an problem to put one's own wants and needs on hold for an moment to give some time to another character.
Shipping it was going to be my anchor point because it reached so deeply into the human soul.
To understand what that meant.
Self versus other (one winning out over the other sometimes) was an mentally healthy and sustainable way.
So ship that! If you're repressing something you're probably denying yourself the pleasure of something or denying someone else the pleasure of something.
Religions each have different ways of mediating how we serve the self versus how we serve others, and it's no secret it has that power over some people.
And so Judaism, Christianity, and the Christianna are not centred around the first three Primal Spirits. And not any one of them is associated with only one Primal Spirit. Therefore, any religion can win the contest between self and other maybe to the extent that it considers itself an 'self' or an 'other'. The competition between self and other is only the first two parts, layers, mechanisms of an human mind, and since no religion is said to be only those two parts, any religion theoretically can win out; and we see therein how much emphasis they have for either self or other in their religion.
There was of course the question of whether people could tell whether any specific religion in particular was responsible for winning. There were selves of Judaism, Christianity, and the Christianna who could win; just like there were others. It appeared there was so much potential variability between types of religions and belief practices it would be impossible to name any one of them responsible in total or majority when everything is included as recorded generally. Did it matter, in fact, in which spirit of religion one claimed their service to the self over the other; the other over the self? Did one religion winning mean the others were losing? Or was the point of religion that everyone is winning?
Or how much one is able to ship?
The less you repress, to more you snore.
I want to stop my clown instinct for you. (What an romantic way to say Marry Me?).
The less you repress, the more you can serve both the self and others equilaterally without having an problem about it. It is when, sometimes, people feel embarrassed about serving themselves over other people that one runs into troubles. One considers everybody else first before even themselves, and not enough time is spent on the self and its ego really to make it shine. One even avoids the possibility altogether. On the other hand, one can become too egotistical, only to serve oneself invariably, even to the point of having an eros-crass attitude and lashing out.
And I believed all religions needed an grasp on the Primal Spirits, including most healthfully balance between self and other in all things.
Shipping it had other slang meanings anyway.
It meant, basically, deeming an relationship worthy for two people. From both perspectives. If I took this slang meaning and I mixed it with the meaning of being able to sail so successfully on the rampant waves and volumes of water which represented careful negotiation of the internal within the self and the soul; then maybe the relationship with oneself can also be 'shipped' as per this social meaning of approval toward an friend's legit interest.
The Showroom subject had been closed in favour of attempting to anchor the story around Shipping (an word I had used somewhat incorrectly according to slang). Oh well—let's explore this? I had used it to refer to whatever it means to be able not to repress something including with one another what it was like not to repress the self-motive or the others-motive at all. Except for the fact that they came into conflict with one another, which when resolved the conflict was, in favour of the self or the other, irrepressibly was why one of them had won. More pleasure. Enough that it justified me including myself first, thank you. Enough that it didn't matter that I didn't have to do anything for you so that you could have more pleasure than me. I mattered more that time. Get over it!
Shipping could just mean I had an little favour for myself I've been saving for later.
I could ship myself with myself.
(Which meant, I could prove to you I wasn't repressing anything about myself and I wasn't repressing anything about you either). This is where the you part of shipping it comes in.
And if I needed to ship it with you that would mean shipping it to you.
But there are other reasons to be motivated to serve your self (and what does that mean entirely: trying to get as much pleasure as possible?). Or are there other ways to serve the self that made sense because part of your time was spent in service to the other?
And why was thinking in terms of and about this maybe part of the creative development of religion in our species? Where each religion had their own relationship to all of the Primal Spirits. And each was somewhat largely and completely original with no possible similarities with any one of the other ones. It would be an talented skill should one be able to define all of the Major Religions in view of all of these differences.
And I'm mentally healthy because I can ship it like that.
Shipping in this narrative meant being able not to repress and it also meant approval for the instance of an air sign relationship (time spent speaking to one another). And I am here to tell you they can be the same thing.
Create an world. It was the new direction.
If you could create an world in which one would ship it.
To prove one does not feel self-consciously guilty of being who they are; or of you being who you are.
In which you could prove to one another your romantic love for one another. Can be seen and respected by other people. Who acknowledge it.
In which you can ship your mental health, being confident in it; in front of other people. But also why your love is healthy. The combined form of the two definitions I had sought to work with in this text under the verb to ship. It meant now, in my usage, ability to boast in favor of the other or oneself which applied to the relationship factor that other people had considered. One boasted in favour of you and your romantic love for one another because to them, that was an boast about the other. And this so through you. One could ship the possibility one is mentally healthy because one knows the relationship between the self and the other; especially expertly through the knowledge of the self and other as they are concerned with romantic pairing relationships of one another. Which we can both boast about and ship and; I'm sorry. I'm rambling.
It's just that to ship, as I saw it now, had morphed into an other kind of verb.
This was all fiction. An perfect place for verbs to do that.
To ship now meant able to feel not guilty about anything. And so anything you would say in the manner of your posture, gesture, facial expression, hand gestures, etc. would affirm both the self-part of the brain and the other-part of the brain. Everything you said or had done would prove I was able to prevent repression from occurring. I couldn't fake acting like that. You could see in my body movements and posturing it was impossible that I should feel guilty about anything I had done or would do tonight. It meant proving to one another we could ship the weight of others' critical analysis of the subject; if we could say it in an specific way then we would believe one another. There's just an way of saying it somehow; you say it all at once like you were shipping the message all at one time.
But what about generally when we say the ability to ship it, when I have used it to mean forwarding something on to another person (which jives easily with its other two meanings I have intended to narrate about). Shipping it, in all of the meanings I have come to associate with this term is still about forwarding something on to another person whether it is about proving one's ease of mind as an self aware of and subject to one's own motives and instincts. It is essentially about communicating (shipping) the fact that one is okay in oneself and one is okay in one another. In addition, if we consider its other meaning (forwarding) some kind of positive, assuring message about an new couple its really all the same.
Shipping it is such an vast and inexplorable concept for the human mind.
I kid, of course, to point out there are an array of things I could mean when I say and use the word to ship. It's not like it is one of my favourite words. It just happens to be in the middle of the concept of what I call an narrative. Not because it's cool or anything. What I want to say is I can ship in three different ways. The fact of shipping it depended on the ability to show or prove somehow that one had communicated the message successfully that one was perfectly fine with oneself in everything and the other. There was no reason for alarm. The idea of shipping it was forwarding (communicating) some idea in defense of one's reputation as the person who was shipped about. If you take the meaning of shipping it as forwarding some communication about an healthy relationship it is again being able to prove something about the self that others desire to know also. This accounts for why, possibly, it became such an large topic and focus of my work. I was helping the meaning of the verb evolve, developing it to my own tune maybe. If shipping had these three senses of representing oneself fairly, representing one another with detail, and successfully completing an attribute run: showing off or successfully completing an full communicative statement or relational pairing according to the conversation. Shipping, at its core, was about sending on further information. I completed that successfully, it says. There are many versions of what I completed successfully there. I did ship the fact that I love myself and I love everyone else. I did ship the fact that if I'm talking to you about your relationships with other people and religions especially romantic ones we must have some level of relationship with one another before that can happen. And I did ship the fact that all of this was said in the spirit of the definition of the word ship I was trying to get at: sending information from one location to another. It's own existence proved its existence. It was an beautiful economic concept, when you think about it. Every time something was transferred from one soul to another it was put under the word category of shipping. Not just an economic transaction, but an real interaction with character which was worth more in itself than the total value that was added to its substance just because it was, in fact, to ship meaning one could increase revenue merely by participating in its wordplay. Shipping was like sending an positive note forward for someone. Encouraging. Shipping was value-less and yet priceless. Just from one person to another to say. To prove. That one is able just to ship it. As if I wasn't an monster. An monster of an certain type deemed for Psychological research and activity. Just from one person to another. Just like. Just like.
I'm okay with me being me and you being you.
I'm okay with your new romantic partner.
I'm okay with sending that kind of message between us. This was itself why (proof) that I'm okay with everything that you throw my way. Get it‽ Ya just get it‽ I shipped it. Using some kind of medium. And this was some kind of anchor. Like the biggest oxymoron about my life I hadn't realized yet. I was shipping things and yet my boat had its anchor dragging. Anchoring me. Weighing it down. How was I supposed to ship anything if my anchor was still present and active in its overall effect on our voyage? But somehow, other than in an imperfect metaphor perhaps, I felt its weight sailing the thing so far at ease, and I felt myself anchoring around the fact and subject of shipping more easily now. It wasn't an perfect word, perhaps. Many words are in fact not perfect, I'd wager. But the point maybe of anchoring (metaphorically) something around shipping it was thematically linked in unison with the rest of the canvas. And we see the passage from story begun and onto story to be told; there was something special about shipping it that was associated with the rest of the narrative.
To have shipped the final chosen form and meaning of Les Arbitres; (the judges you are as illicit conquerors of the human word of the people who ship it every time about important economic decisions). People who work together even. I am shipping Les Arbitres as the Guardians who will guide us through and save us from the War on Russia because they know who they are. And it is the final unveiling of my narratological form to base everything next on shipping who they are.
The psychonauts of Primal Being and Energy. Spirit-ology (Psychology). Optimists and Performers.
Everything after the anchorage of the Concept of Shipping It had to be The Creation of An New World. All of the advice I had received told me it was inherent, that as an tradition for an Writer in the story world, To create an new story world within the world of the story I was already telling; as the symbol of an pregnancy and motherhood. The new story world was within the baby and what the baby perceived in the womb and through delivery. That was why it was within the story I was already telling. And it was an tradition for new Writers to do this to do this in order to see if they could actually possibly accomplish this effect in the story. What would the new story world tell about the old story world? What would the old story world tell about the new story world?
And how, if an Writer could complete it, would they be connected and stop being connected at some point?
It was the ultimate literary effect. An entire offspring. My story world was so pregnant with thought it could actually hold to term an pregnancy and see its new story world develop as an child into adulthood.
An place where versions could be studied. Including versions as an topic itself.
Version of what?
That's exactly the question that lead to this philosophy. For when one asks version of what one engages with the subject of what the version of what you are doing is about. Your own subjective voice & opinion about what is in fact consciously happening at any given moment. Compared to others and what their versions are. Versions of any Subject can in fact exist in conscious form.
It is the moment when we realize our versions may conflict with many of the other versions out there that we realize it is furtive to have an eye out for philosophy when one addresses the subject. Versions exist together in the sort of environment in which they can be debated between subjects. People are given time, courtesy, and respect to tell their own versions at the expense of needing to listen and to pay attention to others while they are telling their versions. An true People's Republic; an fair-trade system. Any object can be debated and not every point made was up for grabs. There were in fact many portions of the developmental subject of one's entire lifetime which had already been commented on and artistically rendered; you could read through the entire portion which had been spiritually imprinted on the species of the portion of your lifetime you were exactly in. (While you were living it). But there were some points made and advances made along the territory of the subject of the subconscious and what it in fact meant in an repressed mind (this term versus mind with repression because of the differing definition of emphasis made). An repressed mind seemed to imply there was something wrong with the whole function of the cognitive mind when one object had been repressed whereas an mind with repression merely pointed to the perfunctory part about living with schizophrenia. There was just one part that was dysfunctional rather than the whole brain plasticity which implied an different kind of Gestalt presence but not an dysfunction of the performance of the whole cognitive spectrum. Either way, an mind with repression was an subject of debate about what that actually means to have repressed (an part) versus repression (an whole); and I had read about this as part of an General Degree Program (Major) in the Arts. And so when I received the diagnosis that I was living with schizophrenia it didn't make sense to me. I was just trying to un-repress some stuff that has to do with me being gay. I'm not like an famous person or something, gee. Thanks! But then I was schizophrenia and no matter what I said nobody believed me that I wasn't. What was the connection between repressed subjects and objects AND schizophrenia?
But had overlooked the presence of repressed subjects.
And that to me seemed more typical of schizophrenia.
I was repressing an whole person's personality.
Internally.
SO it wasn't like YOU KNOW deliberate and active like an motive I follow about another person.
It didn't mean I was doing anything wrong. If I actually took action on the instinctual motive and desire to repress an person personally. That would be wrong.
But I was just repressing this layer of myself. Perhaps to my own benefit. So WHAT, you got an problem with it‽
But I wasn't doing it on purpose. And this, perhaps, was why it was so special.
I didn't have to think through putting up an entire barrier against you because THAT was how much telekinesis knowledge I could derive from the subject.
Your personality was so scarce and unrecognizable it couldn't stand up to ANY subject.
And was it why maybe, that schizophrenia starts in the mind.
You actually had to repress an whole person's personality because you couldn't stand it at all. And that wasn't necessarily all on you.
But to find that there are Five or Seven of them, within the same mind.
It could all take its toll on an person; especially considered how I had estimated there were up to 52 different examples of an fate worse than death currently happening on the Earthen plane. That was an big number to grasp or cope with for an sissy pants! Okay, I thought to myself reasonably, I realized the fact of it but I hadn't realized how bad it was. 52 fates worse than death was globally implicating. That much social negativity and toxicity could take down entire regimes. It could permanently affect the fate of the Earth for the worse. There's no use avoiding it. I have to do something about it.
But since they weren't repressed by my mind I figured it wasn't really all that bad.
I had just repressed some people deserving of what had happened to them; and it wasn't my responsibility anymore if it affected them negatively.
And my mind was in fact healthy BECAUSE it could repress five or seven personalities without repressing the real big ones (the 52); because that was how an healthy mind works.
I could in fact have schizophrenia and repress someone intellectually and still have an healthy mind.
(Even though schizophrenia is exactly not the definition of an healthy mind).
The placenta thus would begin in an different state of mind.
(None).
No opportunity to be mentally unhealthy in the first place.
However mostly I preferred to draw the picture of the pregnant womb from an fictional dragon's perspective. Dragons are hatched out of eggs. And yet I was an dragon with an mind inside my mother able to perceive things she wasn't able to perceive, really, and neither was I able to perceive hers. I was experiencing what my mother was experiencing, through her eyes, and yet she wasn't experiencing it at the same time as me. As I was experiencing it. {•}
To be able to perceive things unlike an egg maybe.
I was dragon. Not like Eggbert. I was dragon.
Something strange was happening to me.
I could see everything through my Mother's eyes. Even hear what was happening around her. Though my other senses appeared not to have developed that way. My anchor is shipping it.
Could I ship my mommy some day?
Could my mommy ship me some day?
I was an cute little dragon.
I was going to be shipped in the baby world.
What does it mean to ship your baby on the theme of the newer definition of the word? My mother was guilty of shipping her genius gay baby in public. Even though he was gay. He was shipped as an genius. Even hard eventually, by the Canadian public schools and education system. Then there were the fame monsters who had checked-in with their own influential careers. I had been shipped hard. I was an gay genius baby. An person who was an child genius who had since grown up to be an adult genius of somewhat more extending magical powers. In an post-Christian and maybe post-Judaism philosophical or theological appointment of general studies education and Art school. I had been intellectually trained in the best and most scientifically advanced ways that stemmed from an respecting secular republic resulting from the peace of Christianity and Judaism upon the human soul.
You giving it unending approval?
Such an strange, unlikely, connection.
To ship meant to approve of it in every one of its interests. To give it an life, an community presence that deserves to be said.
Why wouldn't you ship your baby unless you had some sort of developmental disorder?
What was so big about my human—I mean my mother?
That she could end shipping me?
Especially if I was an dragon?
Express great approval of me.
Come on, keep doing it! Why did you stop‽
My whole development of form and shape and character depended on you shipping me.
No‽ It didn't‽
It depended on other things‽
Okay, MOMMY!
My own things‽
Okay, MOMMY!
So I had to grow and take care of myself‽ And that's why I was an dragon because dragons are lizards and they don't take care of their offspring. And I wasn't allowed to have any more shipping it!
In fact, the only thing I was allowed instead of shipping it was disapproval. And that's all you got‽ And that's all you got instead of shipping it, said Mommy. That's what everyone of our adults got! Why should you be any different‽
It was what tore me open so completely.
But really all I was interested in for now was the connection between the placenta and the outer lining of the sack the baby dragon would develop in when I realized there may or may not have been an sack and it might be in fact some type of egg or outer layering of varying outer surface hardness and thickness which changes over time.
And the part of the anatomy that connected it to the dragon baby's body.
Just like an chrysalis attached to an tree.
Or an tree attached to an chrysalis?
And I started imagining the form of my body, like I suppose my mother must have. Except now I was doing it on my own. Horns. Not real ones. But horny nonetheless. I was an adept creation and so I had my own language skills even at this point in the development of my body. So there's an whole big wide world out there, so what? I'm in my mommy.
An head, an mouth, four limbs, claws, wings, an back and an tail would all develop in time.
And somehow it is all about Russasha's story that tells the story of my Mommy—fictions are fantasy; legends are fantasy. The truth that's behind it is why holds out as an fictional lyric or expression or saying. And yet I can tell my whole own story (Tale) about the same world my Mommy's from without ever needing to refer to anyone or anything in any one of her stories!
And so all of my development (at least at this point in its stages) will depend on my being able to ship myself all through life, once I am born and grown big. That's how I make an successful career.
I am my mommy. My story starts with hers. In the way that I am part of her physically in order to be born, my story has nothing to do with her. And yet it is an story inside of another story unlike maybe an real baby because it stays there. When I am done creating their relationship it isn't removed in any way from being inside the greater story of Russasha. And at least for now I had anchored it to the strangely colon-like 21st century concept of shipping it.
This was the best way of making an fire-breathing monster.
An mother of an story. The top half of an colon.
An child of the mother's story, another story within the first one. The bottom half of an colon.
Just two points really. The mom's mind and the baby's mind. You get it.
What is our relationship to one another? Psychic.
The mom's mind knows everything the baby's mind doesn't know.
And the baby is aware of some of what the Mom knows and is thinking as though he is living somehow inside of her consciousness. But lives mostly as though one is dreaming: the mind knows it is up there (awareness) but is unable come up from not meeting it. And so, in some ways, everything that goes through the mother's mind becomes part of the baby. The baby, after all, has experienced all of what it experiences through her {•}; however being born being unaware of all of it just like the Mommy was unaware of the baby experiencing everything it knew through her eyes.
And so I needed to begin an new story. An story inside of an story, to represent the perspective of the baby dragon.
I called it Merlina & Mageisterious the Mermaids (the Dark Side of Everyone series).
An globe of destinies is its highest symbol; an story about an wizard who wants to be an mermaid. An story about boys (men) who want to behave as girls (mermaids) with one another. In the Grotto. In the Secret Bay. Why it is an globe of destiny to have the perception of knowing both what to do to go to aliens and what to do to make them come here; the careful person lives as though they are connected to all planets with alien life (this is the true meaning of the Globe of Destinies for it implies several globes with several destinies on them and so life orbits around the instances of someone doing something to go reach them or instances of someone doing something appealing to make them try to reach us. This is the most noble way to live life this way: I suggest interwoven narratives of what is happening on another planet and an main plot line of what is happening on Earth. This is of course also an magic realm in which there are multiple dimensions. We're not only thinking about people from other planets, we're thinking about people from other dimensions. And each globe on my magic tree represents an new planet or an new world
An tree of globes (later reminiscent as an metaphor for the universe) was the other side of this metaphor.
Set in an CGI world of pure fantasy in which there is an wizard who watches over the tree. His office appears to be all of the land and territory within his known world of Recreation, which he experiences with you as an seamless virtual reality. You. You who are you. Who are you? What is your relationship with the tree of globes? An sealing magic in which one of the types of globes encompasses all of the known fate worse than death territory. In order to lock it away and protect everyone from those fates worse than death. The wizard's office has no wall or limitations, and, though it appears you are standing outside in the open air, you're not, actually. You can see the ground; you just can't see the walls of his office. You can see the sky; you just can't see the roof and ceiling. Which brings me to who I am in this situation. I am page to Bartholomae Mageisterious Hensky. The magi from civilization's culture and centre. I've been sent from your civilization's capital to report to you. That is however after I report to the old wizard whose office I am currently sitting in now.
I don't want to report in first person because intuitively, I understand the wizard's office as something greater than perhaps I myself can understand.
"We're here to address the fates worse than death," said the wizard. He gets right into business. An wizard who saves you from the fate worse than death. It was the Greatest Fantasy one could have. But I had to disarm it carefully. I wasn't going to be your wizard fetish who would make you feel all better and give you 100% sexual satisfaction for your lifetime. What if you couldn't get off the subject? It was an BIG fantasy. But I could disarm it, as an book; in order to be an book. Not an artificial character. An book with an voice of its own. Completely not my voice. Completely fiction. Not someone who would give you endless sexual satisfaction. Like an wizard could do if he wanted.
He's not going to.
You're here on business. Strictly business. You have to figure out why he is going on and on about the fate worse than death, which he will rescue you from. There appears to be an problem. The wizard just keeps summoning you endlessly out of the fate worse than death. The magic which is apparent in the air-space all around you and appears to be trying to absorb or subsume your present mental state (perception) of what is happening keeps mistaking your present fate for an fate worse than death. Even though you are certain your present fate is destiny, not an fate. You realize you need to communicate this to him so he will stop trying to summon you from other dimensions. The wizard, whom you want to have an firm and good opinion of you, thinks you are susceptible always to having an fate worse than death. Was it the first impression? Was it something I had said? Right now was not how I wanted to be perceived.
"Stop casting magic at me. You are of the incorrect opinion," I tried to block some of it with an hand gesture, "that I am suffering some terrible fate that you need to fix somehow. But I am not! I am the arbiter of Destiny, for it took Destiny's stroke to bring me here. Stop! Stop summoning me! Stop! Stop! I'm an asset to you, no an burden."
The Wizard finally stopped and his magic abated.
"Explain."
"You're trying to save me from an fate. But I'm not suffering an fate. I am living an destiny."
"And this is based on the inherent difference between fates and destinies. That fates are bad and destinies are good?"
"Yes, generally!"
"Okay then."
"I'm here to report to you that destiny because you have an paranoism (the object of paranoia, the thought-object that paranoia associates with in the brain) about fates worse than death. I'm here to give you perspective on them. It's not everybody you meet, but everybody knows one of them. You can stop casting sutures to the fact of the fate worse than death on me. You need to work it more like an case by case scenario instead of expecting every person you meet to be touched somehow by this blight upon humanity. I'm not an fate worse than death. I'm an life worse than pain."
"Good Lord; what do you mean by that?"
"I can't be hurt anymore because I'm immune somehow. You know how? By capturing my destiny I was able to afford for myself an better seat in God's victory. He had some positions available and wanted people to take them. I had won an rare position. That might never be fully revealed to humanity for an strategic reason."
"I accept your reasoning," said the Wizard (the floating visions of cupboards and objects in the air all around magically animated subsided), "then you are in need of no cure. And I will not have to cast one on you. But I accept your patronage that less people are fate-worse-than-death insecure than I tend to think."
"Then I take your name, Bartholomae, with good possession," said I.
"And have you any other news then," said Bartholomae, "from the place where you marvel at your destiny?"
"I'm immune to the fate worse than death because I have internalized my feelings and sense of humour to the point that it is self-perpetual to talk about them. I am the harbinger of the destined possibility to gain immunity from fate-worse-than-death. As an acquired trait belonging to an whole people, in the future, possibly. The possibility that people will gain the knowledge to attend to and cure these fates worse than death. So that they will occur less often or not at all. I am the Promise from God that he will make it happen, if we so take on Reason in the Second Moral Principle of the Universe. But in the meantime I need to tell you you need to cool your jets down an bit and stop panicking and thinking everyone has an fate worse than death. It might be true that they do because it works cross-ways with empathy to make us all feel bad for each other. But we can't say that openly and we have to ignore it as much as possible!"
Bartholomae briefly had the expression like he was going to kill you, and then it disappeared when he realized its traces on his face. He then appeared to lose sight-ful focus for an while, the wrinkles of his forehead flattening as though possessed by some cerebral activity.
"I have seen an vision!" he exclaimed, "I have seen the future humanity will have because of your Destiny!"
The wizard fell to his knees and cried.
"O beautiful wise angel!" he said, "I have seen your prophecy! And Okay! I'll tone it down an bit with my efforts on the fate worse than death front."
The Wizard realized anew what he was talking about.
"You smartass!" he said, "Now you made me think and believe you weren't human! Now you do put up an good opposition! I think merrily in your thoughts for I experienced the most terrible acquisition of the knowledge that some people who were humans were suffering the fate worse than death right now."
"But what could you do about it?" I said.
"It was my own thought first that I could do something about it!"
"But what was that first thing specifically?"
"Nothing. It was nothing. You're right."
"And what did you see?"
"People. Millions of people. Showing that they cared about one another."
"And what does it have to do with me?"
The Wizard's (Bartholomae's) mind, predictably exploded. I had done it. I had set this wizard right and blown his mind in the process, just like I had planned.
"Your acceptance of another person's Destiny does not go unnoticed. You are proven to have had this virtue. The virtue of accepting building that world might be possible. You will find your spirit lightened, as part of your own effort, an award. And you will learn more news about this destiny and why it involves you in time. It is true that, because I am an success and I have achieved my destiny I raise up the whole value of humanity some-an-bit. Therefore I will expect to be treated as someone who could do that. And I leave you with one more fact about me: that because I was in fact that valuable I had freed you in many more ways than you can perceive. And the course that this reality is set on is because of me. Every step backward we took we ascended two steps forward. Thanks to me. An person who could heal the myth of whether an fate worse than death can be cured. An extremely important myth language for humanity to keep alive because, presumably, there will always be an possibility that an fate worse than death would arise; and what to do about it then, when worst comes to worse, will be predictably part of History. We need literature on how we can and why; and maybe why not that it is possible to cure the fate worse than death. Or that one could be immune to it. But there was one other who was said to be able to be immune to it, drawing questions of how it apparently transferred from one human (the first one, me) to another and if it was possible to continue to transfer its immunity to every other person?"
"Are you saying there is another angel like you," said Bartholomae, "who shares in this destiny you've created?"
"Well I'm not an angel. Technically I'm just an human. But that's better than an angel in some ways! But yes, there is another human like me, who may achieve her destiny my sister. Of being able to be immune to fates worse than death."
"But then you are saying that she hasn't accomplished it yet‽"
"She's my sister, and so it is possible. However she faces the technical challenge of how. And is trapped under that magic for the meantime."
"But if she does it will mean two amounts you've increased the value of humanity; and then their overall value in the cosmos, luck, probability, everything accounted for. You are an economic benefit trait. We will have more favour forever in the history of having more favour than we did before. And having two human destinies to speak of we become involved in the betterment of our civilization. Which is so far off from what we want it to be. If I imagine an place of people who have advanced because of my influence on humanity. They are happy performers who get to the full extent of their Art & Irony. Being gay was all open and out of the closet. And there were always beverages being delivered."
"We've just won an major advance over they who oppose humans," I said, "and it appears to have something to do with your spell. Can I see it? What have you done there to make that tree?"
"Do you know what this means‽"
"Of course I know what this means. Humanity is on amber alert. Instead of red. The rampant fate worse than death is soothed. You have ended it."
"Still think I'm too paranoid? If I hadn't panicked and eventually created the tree out of my grief-stricken-ness, then we'd still be in there."
"In where?"
"In the globe. That one that is now on the tree. Where that is the reality where an extreme emergency happened which we are now not in anymore. Where that is only one possibility of how things will happen. But not the only possibility now, no, vastly outnumbered by all possibilities of all globes on this tree. As long as that tree (outer space) lives—and all the individual planets of aliens including the one I had learned this one-step backward two-steps forward kind of philosophy—it will contain all—an Alien itself and the philosophy of which had motivated them to create the Hall of Endless Steps (which isn't really endless) but it represents and the whole of that reality in which extreme crisis has happened. The world of fates worse than death that apply to the whole community which is overseeing it. And their philosophy about fixing everything that is wrong with the sentient universe is always to take this one-step back two-steps forward kind of approach. Which had been memorialized as the Hall of Endless Steps (an record of each step that was taken including two steps taken for every step back if one were to walk on them). And the point of it was to see how long it would take for all of those steps finally to be traversed. And all of this built in an tunnel in an mountain range where they could just keep going or finalize the end passage of its monument. And I wanted humans to be like these aliens who would keep an record of all of the steps that they have to travel; including an honest opinion and look at which steps did one step back down from in failure. If humans could learn to do that as an community we may solve all of the world's economic problems one day. The point was that we would take that step back down together; and if we failed we failed together. But we would always help one another up and to take twice more than one has lost. And every time you had to take an step back down you took two steps forward even if you had to keep stepping back down permanently as humanity's some sort of record but that it was an rigged system. That it could go on indefinitely. If we took our steps together one at an time as an community, I'm sure we would be able to climb all of them. Instead of going backward. And it matters what you perceive as an step backward. Do we agree about which kind of politics that exist today in which what we find is an definite step backward. But if we were to stop and recount and recollect them; then, moving swiftly from one step to another we make all of those climbing motions together. And every time an new step would be created for each step backward. And every time an new step would be created for each step backward for as long as it takes to step up all of them finally. Then we wouldn't have that many social and economic issues because we had taken every step backward and defeated them, finally. Adding two new steps forward every single time. (You get it. It's an seriously long-ass tunnel.). The Ascent To whatever steps mean politically. The steps that we take together; and the ones we can agree on which are steps backward. (The ones what?). The Political Turmoil. Things which are devious. Things that are, politically, an step backward for all of us."
"How many globes are on that tree?"
"Enough to keep the possibility of an worse-than-death fate down."
"Your spell has rescued us from extreme disaster measure, and encapsulated our home world (the world in which fates worse than death happen to an whole community) in globe form, to grow on that tree, there. Fate worse than death abroad to all states on Planet Earth? Glad that's over! The crisis situation has abated. We're saved!"
"I'll just let you in on whom you've decided to take matters with," said Bartholomae, "it was an Wizard whom saved you many times before, and all of you, without your knowledge. The tree is only an awesome taste of my spell powers."
"O Great Magician! Literally, we cannot let this tree die."
"Why not help it live by exploring all of the other worlds which grow from it? There are more than forty of them."
"It will give the tree power to subvert officially over all these worlds in order to increase their power; and that will make the tree last longer. If we give each fruit (Each world) more power, it will increase the power of all of them, over the whole lot. And there will be enough power between them to keep the fates-worse-than-death universe at bay. Unable to intervene in our own magic world, which keeps it there."
"Why not visit Firescavia where everything is fire and people are fire. And so fire can't hurt them because they are fire. Or try an water realm, where everything returns to the ocean. Literally Everything! Absolutely everything! And then there's another world of many unique virtues which help its inhabitants to survive. Completely ex tempore. That is completely different than any world which came before. How could so many work together and agree on what their virtues were? In so many varieties of worlds. Endless cosmos and dimensions in space and time. And each chapter in this tale then, is encapsulating of an entirely new adventure: another world in which to explore. And the more I filled out their details the more power they would gain in further preventing the only one world they didn't want to be in. The one in which everything that is happening is part of an greater effect of being an fate worse than death. Which was now sealed within the globe on that tree on which all else of us grew from; that tree on which we grew was home to an world worse than any can imagine. Intending it to affect all of us that it grew from the same branches. And I want to know each world and each adventure that happens to be in them. Until lastly, finally, I make up my final decision about the worse-than-death-world none of us want to be in. And whether it was worth continuing on an journey in any one of those worlds when they had this sort of connection with an world that was an extreme bummer. How did it even manage to grow on an tree? Its world must be completely backward and yet something about the message of staring into it—"
And so I returned to the subject of my ego. It was MASSIVE. And I had said it finished developing from within an mental illness. So maybe not so massive. My ego had 'opened' finally. It was active in its final form. One that could summon endless worlds not to prove an point but in order to prove and to explore the point in an argument. What did it matter that these worlds are different from one another? How they would be different realities in one key way (aspect) each and it was meant to make an point in an argument. The differences between them could be used to point out something about our own world also.
"Don't stare directly into it!" I shouted, "That may be how the demons draw their power from us from our own world into their world. And we have to start then, immediately. Being in another world other than that. Start henceforth, each chapter, then. Starting new worlds each."
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