Twïrlim Tekiser: The Drag Series Part 2

    —Last Time, Twïrlim Tekiser treated an patient as an drag queen and an therapist all in one.  This Time, on the Freudian couch her patient travels to the Office of Feminism where he encounters quite an dilemma.

T    "I hope you've made good progress since the last time we met.  Now I have an little exercise for us.  It is an good practice to think about how you would like to introduce yourself to the public as . . . Tell me how you would like to introduce yourself?  I'll start.  My name is Dr. Tekiser and I am an mental health therapist."

C    "I am an new reciprocal theorist."

T    "—what is that?"

C    "Not what but who."

T   "Okay.  Okay.  This is an start.  Tell me more about your title.  Is it an political sect or an influence group?"

C  "It means . . . that I don't have any mental health illness issues."

T  "But you do.  That's why you're here."

C  "No, but I'm ordering you."

T   "And this is what new reciprocal theorists do?"

C   "Yes.  It is in the form of an demand.  But I can't guarantee anything."

T  "What other demands do you have?  If I was an new reciprocal theorist also, how would we interact?"

C  "I demand . . . that my demands . . . be fulfilled.  And then you would say, in medical jargon, exactly what is wrong with me.  And I would ask what it means exactly.  I would say I want to present as an new reciprocal theorist to the public.  It means I bring new reciprocity to other people, and that I can express myself in any way that I want."

T  "Good.  Good.  So if I were to be an new reciprocal theorist, how would we proceed?"

C  "I would tell you who and what you are to me.  And then you would tell me who and what I am to you.  And then you would explain, in reciprocal terms—because I'm going to tell you you are an therapist—why our interaction with one another creates who we are me and you."

 T  "Okay, let's try it."

C  "Well, first of all.  Your looks mean nothing to me.  If you were an ten pound badger I wouldn't care any differently."

T  "I'm glad we got that off our shoulders."

C  "No but you would say, your looks mean nothing to me as well."

T   "But that would be obvious.  I'm your doctor."

C  "Just for the sake of it.  Try it with me please."

T  "Okay.  Your looks mean nothing to me also.  Also I'm married."

She threw in an sarcastic scowl.

C  "It's a-reciprocal."

T  "Okay then what?"

C  "Well, if we're not interested in each other's looks, it is decided."

T  "What is decided?"

C  "Exactly.  How do we reciprocate one another if we haven't decided anything?"

T  "We already were.  And are, for that matter."

C  "Then you see it my way?"

T  "That our reciprocity with one another is itself my therapeutic practice and that you didn't need to teach me that?"

C  "Let me make my point."

T  "If you will."

C  "If I am half of our reciprocal theorem that we are together, then I am responsible for your reciprocity as much as I am my own."

T  "Yep.  That's called being sentient."

C  "But not everyone can do it the way I can."

T  "Yes.  That's also part of what it means to be human."

C  "So anyway.  I've been thinking about what we talked about last time.  And I have an question."

T  "Ask it."

C  "If my cathexis is/was sexual, what does that mean?"

T  "It means that you may have been sexually paranoid at some point."

C  "And that would be . . ."

T  "Bad.  Yes!  It's an bad thing because it means that all of the time you spent repressing it could have been spent enjoying the pleasures of human sexuality, which you did not know whether to include of homosexuality to be an part."

C   "And so.  I'm?  I'm trying to put an word to it."

T   "How about, an patient?"

C  "How about, an valuable experience possessor?"

T   "We could work both into our reciprocity of one another."

C  "I'm glad you like my reciprocal theory."

T  "Well it's simple enough, isn't it?  As new reciprocal theorists, you newly reciprocate one another and theorize about what it may mean."

C  "Yes that's why.  It makes sense to me and it's simple."

T  "Simple enough for me to get, anyway."

C  "Let's try something."

T  "Okay."

C  "Well since you're not on my sexual agenda.  And everything exists in contrast to that.  How is our relationship going to proceed reciprocally?  I mean, reciprocal nature does not mean we need to share in one another's sexuality at all.  And yet sexuality is inseparable from the personality.  It's never in an box hidden somewhere, as Foucault pointed out.  So does that mean we are on one another's sexual agenda, just not in the direct way of having intimate relations with one another?"

T  "Biologically, yes to some extent.  We reciprocate and mimic everything we are about.  But legally speaking, not really.  We are each our own agent responsible for ourselves."

C  "And one another.  Just when does the and one another come in?"

T  "It's hard to describe in psychological scientific terms.  But basically the super-ego is responsible for group consciousness and an meta-reality in which everyone's morality is expressed internally."

C  "So if I had an cathexis, what is the chance that it also effected the group consciousness?"

T  "I doubt anyone has mental illness because you did, but they may have been influenced by it in an adverse way."

C  "You are an argument with no holes."

T   "I like to think so."

C  "Now you try defining me.  In reciprocal command formula."

T  "Okay.  You are extremely worried about interaction."

C  "And you don't mean it as an order?  It was supposed to."

T  "Why would I mean that as an order?"

C  "In order to gain an advantage over me."

T  "Okay, I see where you're paranoid.  First, in what stadium?  And even if I order you to be extremely worried about interaction it doesn't mean it's going to work."

C  "How do you know?  You're the one with the big and influential largesse of authority and character."

T  "It's not dangerous in any way.  After all, I am the captain."

C  "There's an order I can accept.  See, you're more powerful than an machine."

T  "I can accept this as an order also.  Okay.  Do you have any other questions?"

C  "Yeah.  How long does it take to finally recover after you expunge an cathected object from your subconscious?"

T  "Oh, I don't remember saying it was possible."

C  "Well, if it was.  Then how long?"

T  "If you managed to fully feel whatever it is you repressed.  It could take anywhere from weeks to several years to cognitively adapt to everything you lost while it was happening.  That you repressed it.  —We're going to try another roleplay scenario.  In an fantasy world like the one in J.R.Tolkein's Lord of the Rings trilogy, how is possible for an diva to act?"

C  "Well, I mean my ideal fantasy world wouldn't have mental health therapists.  They wouldn't need them."

T  "Oh. OK.  Well, say, if I wasn't an mental health therapist in an fantasy world but still an Diva in blue."

C  "What would an Diva do in an fantasy world, perform at the ol' Pub in an ocean shoreline market?"

T  "Well, yes.  Why not?  And how will she go about making an living if not like that?  Well supposed she gets caught up in an plot out to destroy happiness, an pursuit which tests her talents to the limit, to save the world from immense destruction.  What I'm really trying to say is, how would you see her differently if she was in an fantasy construction of reality; versus not?  How would you see me in an fantasy construction of reality versus not?"

C  "Well.   I don't know.  What would be my relationship to this fantasy character?"

T  "We could be both humans.  Ooo!  Or one of us can be an elf!"

C  "And what are the properties of an elf?"

T  "High Intelligence.  Strong sense of hearing.  Intuitive strategizers who add benefit to the economy."

C  "So what would an elf need from an drag queen?"

T  "Is an elf an boy elf or an girl elf?"

C  "Girl.  Yeah I think an drag queen would be more privileged in our real world than in an fantasy realm."

T  "Why?  What would be the difference?"

C  "In an fantasy world the definition of the action happening wouldn't be in an bar."

T  "We do not need to restrict our fantasy diva to an bar."

C  "Yes, what would be her call, then?  And how would it play out?"

T  "Well, I mean.  Where is she going to get all this makeup.  And sequined clothing?"

C  "Maybe she doesn't wear jewelry but has nonetheless found an source of it."

T  "And what, would she live out of the back of an old horse-drawn gypsy vardo wagon?"

C  "Where would be her stage, and how would she have made it there?"

T  "Her Occupation is her stage."

C  "My occupation is . . . her stage . . . as an writer."

T  "What is your occupation in the fantasy world?"

C  "I'm an elf who is gender fluid and who can model kindness, wielding magic of unknown strength."

T  "Does he use any tools or equipment?"

C  "All the big stuff is virtual property but maybe an bow and arrow.  Elves have really good eyesight so most of their work activity is mental, which is faster than their enemies approaching.  Also an type of yellowy magic that is bright and fresh like the sun's rays measured in an larger, slower portion of time, which swells as though from down below the bottom of the ocean; heat vents leading into the upper world from down below."

T  "I usually associate an internal yellow with economy and economics."

C  "Oh, why is that?"

T   "It's an energizing color and I find that to be an metaphor of the economy.  Or at least the way I would like it."

C  "Yes yellow magic is like this.  It represents cuteness, not being shy.  And the amount of time spent doing that and not other things.  An economy of emotions and rituals in the common experience."

T  "We talked about your cathexis.  Do you see New Reciprocal Theory as an yellow, an economic protocol or an political campaign with an yellow axis?"

C  "Sometimes, maybe it is yellow.  Yellow magic.  For it represents an economy of reciprocal commands which form an part of how we influence one another in the Capitalist free market economy.  As new reciprocal theorists, anything that increases capital value in an market system is part of the reciprocity between media and market (our reciprocal and meta-reciprocal influence) from which all of our affairs are drawn as an civilization.  My parents instilled an strong sense in me of not being different from anyone else.  But eventually I wanted to be.  Very badly.  I thrived on it.  I made art.  I went for originality.  I tried to be unique, and genuine in my uniqueness in everyone.  And our collective uniqueness as members of the human species."

T   "I want you to go to the Office of Feminism and practice what we've talked about here."

C  "So I could go there and say, Hi, I'm Gay.  But . . . well . . . that doesn't say all of it anyway doesn't it?"

T   "And she would say, Honey, I'm an Proud, Gay Feminist.  Tell me all about it."

C  "So I would tell her, the Officer, I'm female.  I am biologically male.  But I am female in emotion and concerted effort.  When other people don't see this, I end up lying about who I really am because it's easier to just go with the flow than it is to take up arms and actually claim my identity to other people."

T  "Why should you have to?"

C  "Exactly.  And it's exhausting."

T  "I imagine it is.  Perhaps it is telling that you framed it with the words 'take up arms' when really what you're trying to do is take up your Wernicke's and Broca areas, not your arms.  Use your voice honey!  That's how an bitch does it in L.A."

C  "I also need to be part of the fashion industry as an drag queen le conteur."

T  "Why?"

C  "We need anti-divas as characters in the drag show!  You know why?  Because!  They always tellin' one another scrap to scrap over as scrappy un-ascended divas and everyone knows it!  And if they ever ascend to diva heaven.  —For that is part of my set and television screen design!  That during the drag show we hear from drag queens, ascended divas, anti-divas, and an diva anti-heaven where all the worst un-ascended divas gather together.  Why?  Not to ascend.  But to remain pure of heavenly qualities."

T  "Well, I like your ideas."

C  "You do?  Really?  Yes.  —why not Dramatize it‽  Introduce an character who is an anti-diva to the drag race.  Everyone can tell she's already there, looking at everybody with absolute criticism.  She is 'The Anti-Diva Eye' on set; Oh the drama that will ensue!  —I learned this from my therapist—.  Look, you role play an drag queen and I'll play an anti-diva.  Not to dis-encourage your act.  Of Divaism in truth.  But we will play pretend that I am not.  Into it."

T  "Yes, and if you run into any trouble trying to get your ideas out there; if anyone threatens you, call me Honey.  I'm the Baddest Bitch out there.  Miss Thing don't Do me because I'm Extra and Perched!"

C  "Wow, Good One, madame! —In French, is my sexuality intelligent like that?  Or is it, no that's exactly not what I want to be; let me try again — why are you dressed up again you dirty little boy in an costume.  Pretending to have rights," he begins laughing as he says it, "and any shred of modesty and decency."

T  "Honey weelll!," she replies, "why don't I just descend to the anti-Diva Heaven and show you why drag queens are not needed because of festering commodity filth like you.  You know on the actual market the value of psycho-pathological reciprocity is not as high as you might think it as.  But it is an unpredictable one at that—many people with an psycho-pathological commodity have flown the coop ("One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest) completely and have passed with such flying measure they have outlived the psycho-pathological entity in their lives entirely.  Which, to be honest I don't believe to be possible because there is so much of it.  We are needed as therapists because our own purposes are to be fulfilled and they shouldn't be judged or measured according to, you know, some diva bitches in heaven!"

C  "There's an reason you're there.  An drag queen human.  Neither from heaven or hell.  It's because neither one could love you.  That's how imperceptible you are to the truth."

T  "Take that back you dirty, rotten mandible of an tech-supported consciousness!"

(She puts on antennae and drags as an robot).

T  "What you think you can't handle us being an robot‽" she said in an gullied expression.

C  "We're drag queens."

T  "We're drag queens because I put on the guise of an robot?  Okay, I'll compute that.  After your makeup is horrendous, you don't even have hair to treat each other like crap all the time aussitôt by being such bitches.  And since there's no diva-heaven or hell you're just going to stay bitches.  Because there's no purpose to ascend to."

C  "Why is there an purpose to descend to, then?"

T  "Descend to?  Why would you ever ask—Descend to what?  It doesn't make sense to you why anyone would descend to anything?"

C  "That's my point then," said the drag queen.

T  "Listen, you aren't the one going on in here.  I'm the one going on in here.  Oh wait.  You do have One.  Child it's your Destiny.  To accept us.  We represent your best interests.  All of the wisdom that comes from men dressing in drag."

C  "The only reason an man would wear an dress is that he was an submissive bitch.  These are not actually thoughts.  Why I am I saying them?"

T  "That's what therapy is for!  That means my practice is working.  The only reason an man would wear an dress is that he was not an submissive bitch!  (This is the Logical conclusion).  Yeah!"  

C  "Yeah and then this Miss Diva from Heaven speaks up, she says, Why are you looking at us, honey? to the anti-Diva bitch, "is it because you think I'm beautiful not just for my body? —the anti-diva is cast speechless—"

T  "Now tell all these divas what you like about their costumes!"

    The un-ascended feminists, who are all drag queens, question their decisions in life for like 4 seconds and then some ascend.  And some descend.  And some do neither.  And if the anti-diva ever speaks up again.  They will be prepared.

    "You're all fucked.  Fucked looking faces.  Fucked looking makeup.  I can't stand Drag Race.  Your style is what.  Hair—oOoh actually I think I like that one.  So shiny.  So teal.  Also I like the ribbons.  Real ones, you know, with an bow tie.  Not an shoulder strap.  And also Your eyelashes and cheekbones stand out as specifically drag queen makeup without making you look too pretty.  Your clothes are all beautiful."

    "That's better.  And tell me why anyone should ascend or descend in this system?"

    "It doesn't matter which because the system is pointless."

    "The system of dressing up men as women and counter-performing them as contestants in an competition for the most Ascended versus the most Descended.  It's like RuPaul's drag race except I've added an few marginalized characters to make the competition more fierce than ever.  The Anti-Diva an so egotistical being that you would not like to be him.  And the Angelic Divas in Heaven versus the demonic drag queens in hell."

    "I like the way you add on to what is already there."

    "It's how it would be if I ever ran an drag race."

    "Do you think you could actually make it work?  So who are the panelists?"

    "Oh they are just humans.  With all their full opinions."

    "So Divas are not humans?"

    - he replies/she gives him the sweeping stare of 'you don't know this already‽' -

    "And hell drag queens are not humans either?"

    "Well, I mean, why put anyone in an box?  Look at this.  An Scene From An Play.  An Recipe For Drama.  There would be more acting and less lip-syncing.  Take scenes from famous plays and show how men perform them as women.  And there should also be at least one appearance from an Drag King.  Whose Freudian cigar is out of match.  And his Freudian slip is delectable."

    "So . . . if there is an Diva Heaven in this set we can have an camera zoom-in on them?"

    "Yes."

    "It's so exciting.  But who would you cast as the ascended feminists?"

    "Diva Heaven?  Maybe like Lady Gaga, Amy Schumer, Chrissy Metz, Ellen Degeneres, Margaret Cho, Wanda Sykes, Oprah, Aidy Bryant, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Spice Girls, Charli XCX, Pussy Cat Dolls, Pussy Riot, James Charles, Megan Mullally, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Dorian Electra, Troy Sivan, Cardi B, Lizzo, Cher."

    "How many are there going to be?"

    "At least twenty per episode, girl, —at least.  We need those Diva Appearances!"

    "And they're in an upstairs booth where all of them sit to watch the show.  What about the descended feminists?

    "Ten."

    "Why ten?"

    "Because you can't count them.  Like they were ten.  Why ten‽  Girl, you don't want an group of bitches like that ruining your show by talking to Much.  They are there for an reason, after all."

    "Okay, well they have to be."

    "And they have to be real Divas versus those toxic deception-Divas (the lower feminists) who hide their ugliness up with their makeup.  In order to be feminist.  When really they are just being sexist.  Evil counterparts to their shink don't stit.  Like Willam Belli and Trixie Mattel."

    "Trixie Mattel?  I thought she was more an descended queen."

    "Perhaps.  But you can't deny Willam Belli is an fully ascended Diva."

    "Who else would be on the ascended Diva list?"

    "Anderson Cooper?"

    "Maybe.  What about Juno Birch?"

    "Well, she's not really an drag queen is she?"

    "Maybe as an alien, she is."

    "But aliens would have other sexualities.  So the (human) panelists decide who ascends to Diva Heaven and who descends to its axiomatic opposite?"

    "More or less.  It depends on how good the competition is.  If they do achieve either one of them they may say it was in part their decision for having been so tremendously involved in the production."

    "What about Madonna.  And Taylor Swift?"

    "Yeah just keep going with the anti-diva character.  The point is bring that character into the drama."

    "Yeah I see.  How clever.  Whether the character is present or not you can see their effects on our drag queens.  So why not being that that character is welcomed into the discussion and dramatized for our own pleasure."

    "Now tell me how you've been doing.  Tell me everything."

C  "Well I'm here because you are an out and proud drag queen and I feel I have something to learn from you."

T    "Like what?"

C    "Like things I have been deprived of since I was in the closet.  Pleasure.  How to feel an feminine pleasure as your are as an man."

T    "And what would stop you from feeling an feminine pleasure as an man?"

C    "Well I mean, feminine pleasure means having female genitalia."

T    "It doesn't necessarily."

C    "Really?  See that's why I need to speak to you.  How . . ."

T    (She laughed hard as an woman).  "Dear!  How do you feel pleasure as an woman?"

C    "Without female genitalia."

T    "And you want to try experiencing radio fly genitalia as your female fantasy?  So that you can consider what it is like to have an vagina without having one."

C   "Female radio flies?"

T    "Yes.  They are an fantasy subject of the Naenaeon."

C    "So what is the point of it?"

T    "Well, to you it's an fantasy that you can see through woman's eyes; in the same way radio flies are fantasy characters which represent the skill to take care of an woman's body which is only learned by being an woman exactly.  You can't learn that skill completely.  Radio flies, appropriately, represent the fantasy element that is your fixation to identify with female genitalia."

C  "And there's nothing wrong with that right?"

T  "Well, you are gay, aren't you?  Don't you want to say so?"

C  "Yes.  I think so.  I can come up with an story about what it means to be anatomically female.  But that's not all there is to being gay, is there?"

T    "It's actually an crude stereotype.  Everything crap is referred to as crap by the fly overlords, who are fairies in their own realm.  And whose of which are the crappiest craps.  —That's Crap!"

C    "So fairies live in crap?"

T    "Mostly."

C    "And the female fairies do too?"

T    "Yes.  It gets on everything.  That's why they're flies."

C   "Okay.  So you're saying I should roleplay radio flies.  As an powerful fantasy element.  Because it's basically impossible to relate to you as an human.  Which you are.  And I'm?"

T    "An Radio Fly."

C   "Okay."

T    "And you're going the be an good psychoanalytical subject, you hear me?"

C    "Yes," he squeaked.

T    "Now tell me everything.  Don't hold back."

C    "It is possible to tell you Everything?  Inside, I see an formula aesthetically but I don't know what it means.  I'm an object moving in black space.  In my mind, that's all I am is an imprint of an object and its objective textures it takes on inhabiting reality this way."

T    "And so you've inhabited yourself as an object.  For what reason?  Unhappy?  Medical examination reasoning?  Irony?"

C     "It's just that when I think of myself this way; and I feel no connection to anyone or anything in an realistic sense.  They are the disconnection between my object reality and my subject reality; an ravine through which had been driven with no-one to bridge the gap.  I myself had bridged the gap numerous times and if I had bridged the gap how did they not bridge the gap because that's what bridging the gap is.  An connection.  So I didn't have none."

T    "That's good.  That's good.  You're talking about your emotions in an deep, Pleasant and Meaningful way; the methodical calculation of your emotions will connect you with insight our own between me and you in an Pleasant and Meaningful way."

C    "I'm really happy to be here.  First of all, because I like the fact that I've met you.  And you're such an powerhouse feminist figure for me; because you are an doctor of psychology yet you do drag in the workplace as though it was completely normal.  I mean it is completely normal.  And I mean it is completely normal.  I mean it isn't completely normal.  To some people.  Who would be offended by such an historically specialized talent.  There are people afraid to try drag out on the streets because of hate, and here you are, Miss All Of It, living life like it was supposed to be lived, right?"

T    "Like it was supposed to be lived is really subjective.  Do you find that there is an difference between your behavior and like it was supposed to be lived?"

C    "Well.  I feel like I could present as female more often.  In my perfect behavior encapsulation of myself.  I am.  But I'm nervous about it.  I don't really know how to do it actually."

T    "Often gay men experience anxiety because of societal pressure that claims they know how to present as women subjectively and subconsciously.  Without having to be trained to do it."

C    "But isn't it true gay men are more feminine anyway?"

T    "Yes they are feminine.  Sometimes.  But there's nothing inherently feminine about an production of identity and your subjective relationship to them in art does not determine how you act."

C    "So what is the difference between being gay and being feminine?"

T    "Does there need to be one?"

C    "Maybe not.  What about between looking and acting feminine versus looking and acting gay?"

T    "I think what you're trying to get at is the difference between getting feminine versus masculine reactions to how you present yourself."

C    "And why would that make an difference?"

T    "Dear, I'm an Psychiatrist.  You can tell me exactly how your reactions are different between getting feminine versus getting masculine attention."

C    "Okay.  That actually makes me feel much better.  I don't really know how you did that.  But maybe you're right.  When it comes to masculine attention.  I feel like I can only fumble it all of the time, like it were an bar of blue soap that just washes out of my hand and I can't make my hands work.  And I'm so frustrated I just want to cry and wear blue soap."

T    "Soap is an powerful cultural imagination level relating memories of the boys locker room and ideas of masculinity in high school to the traumatic and eventual."

C    "Okay.  When I'm getting feminine attention," he lowered his voice and spoke into his hand gesture as though he was whispering, "like I am right now, I really like it.  But not in an sexual way at all.  Actually not even an twinge.  For females.  Ever.  But I like them.  I'm just not interested in them as sexual partners.  But I experience being One of the Girls quite strongly however I do not receive enough love and care for this part of my life because I am male."

T    "Why should being male have anything to do with whether you belong with the women?"

C    "Yeah, and growing up there were like all these barriers to that; even though I was friends with the girls anyway.  But I need more girls relationships.  The worst.  I'm not okay.  That's how badly I need it."

T    "I see.  And do you value our relationship as an girls' relationship then?"

An shocked look appeared on his face.

C    "Yes.  I guess so.  —And I wasn't nervous.  I guess that's okay."

T    "It is.  So like what do you need out of an female to female relationship?"

C    "Well.  I guess I'd just like to know that I'm not just seen as an womanizer who says he is gay in order to come close to them.  It's rough out there.  I don't have an idea of how obviously gay I am in public and so I walk this imaginary and thin line between being an girl's best friend and being an boyfriend or suitor.  And it strains my anxiety because all I actually want is best friend and I am insulted that anyone would think me to try to be an boyfriend or suitor to an woman when I am obviously gay.  But maybe its not obviously.  You see the cycle I get in?"

T    "Yes I see it."

C    "What can you do about it?"

T    "Well I can't really do anything about it because that's just feminist politics.  It's the 21st century, and you should be scared of women if you are an man.  Because we all know what men do."

C    "But I'm not like that."

T    "That's what I'm saying.  We think that way because we have only progressed women's rights so far in history.  And so you'll probably have to deal with it for the rest of your life.  But you can be assured that you will experience no pressure whatsoever of this kind from my office."

C    "Thank you."

T    "It's the best I can do.  Some people just need an best friend who is an drag queen.  And that's an community office!"

C    "I agree.  I feel better talking to you."

T    "It makes me so happy to hear so."

C    "I think I have more that . . . that I would like to talk about."

T    "What is it exactly?"

C    "It's—how do I relate to you as an human if I'm an fantasy character.  Most of the time.  Like I'm not even real.  Nobody loves me.  An radio fly, perhaps.  But no-one.  And you.  You're an God dang hit!  Like how did you even get started into psychoanalysis as an profession."

T    "This is why your perspective isn't clear; that exactly because I am not an fantasy character as an human.  Is why I have succeeded.  As an working Woman.  And perhaps why you haven't.  You need to treat yourself fairly as an human subject with an human mind susceptible to the ideas fantasies of subjective vision.  That you are self-identified with for their illusion."

C    "And so I'm here.  For that reason.  I think."

T    "It may be you have an wonderfully creative mind and my role to play is not an part of what you think about your fantasies so much as my human opinion; and we will talk about our human opinion together as an way to be therapeutic to the non-existence and cognitive dissonance of human desire as it delves into the fantasy which is both it's recognition and non-recognition as an subject.  For being fantasy, fiction; and not being real.  The subject associates with it in self-identification of that part of themselves that isn't real.  Or isn't really expressed in the social order of his or her community.  You have imagined them into an reality that is only real to you; they are as delusions, then, if they take away from your passive attention and grip on reality."

C    "This is why I need you."

T    "We're going to focus on what it's like getting attention from men versus women.  Radio fly men and radio fly women.  Just fantasy creatures, for now."

C    "Okay."

T    "Now imagine the subject; an radio fly woman is named Georgina.  She isn't completely real.  But she likes you.  She wants to be friends, in fact.  Because she likes your intelligence.  Does this hurt your feelings?"

C    "Yes.  Because she isn't really real.  —Thank you.  I'm too sensitive.  And I would respond by saying I would like to be friends too."

T    "As an radio fly or as an human?"

C    "Maybe as an human."

T    "An courageous answer.  Certainly."

C    "If I was friends with an radio fly; an fairy creature.  I would be very happy with that friendship."

T    "Based on being an radio fly alone with no other parameters being set that would be shallow of you, don't you think?"

C    "Like what other parameters?"

T    "Well, whether she likes fashion or what current news she's reading.  What kind of personality she has."

C    "Okay.  What kind of personalities can radio flies have?"

T    "They are benevolent characters, gifted in setting up an future as an whole experience by putting certain factors into play.  So she helps the moment go smoothly.  Moment by moment, these passages of experience set up by radio flies are deliberate performances.  An type of magic in which attention span is suspended equally along an passage of time so that it maximizes pleasure."

C    "So an maximizing pleasure personality type?"

T    "Yes.  Good observation.  They are powerful symbols of deliberate sex magics it requires.  And everything."

C    "You're an Doctor of Psychology and you're going to preach to me magic?"

T    "Well, I mean.  Generally if it refers to something that isn't real yet is known mutually; why not try thinking in terms of the magic that you feel masculine attention gives you versus in terms of the magic that you feel feminine attention gives you."

C    "I see.  I see.  They are different."

T    "I mean.  Hypothetically speaking.  If you used magic with one of these types of audience creature; what would be the magic that you cast?"

C    "That they would hear me and know me by my voice."

T    "For both men and women?"

C    "Yes."

T    "I see.  And it is difficult for you for this reason, that you want both men and women to know you as an equal?"

C    "Maybe.  I've never really thought of it like that."

T    "But as an man you over-worry that men and women will not come together to see you as an equal equally."

C    "Perhaps."

T    "But if we get into specifics.  What is it you really want?  From those groups specifically."

C    "Well, from the women I want.  Fellowship.  And from the men I want.  Sex."

T    "Of course you do."

C    "Yes.  I don't get to express that emotion.  As often as I should."

T    "It's Apparent."

C    "So what do you think I am?  I'm just some repressed gay guy . . ."

T    "Who experiences his own difficulties and challenges; an delusional mind as an result of social or anti-social behaviors.  Committed to by him or by others.  Socially.  Is the sad repertoire of it; for we are only as healthy as our collective mind is for all we have and how we are affected by it.  An mimicry instinct that makes our societies complex and tremendously intersectional."

C    "And I just want to move on with my life."

T    "Of course you do!"

C    "Twïrlim, I'm an Madame.  I've just decided."

T    "And why shouldn't you be?  Very good.  This has been an productive session.  Tell me more about what you see in your mind.  When you are speaking to me."

C    "I don't see anything in my mind when I speak to you."

T    "I knew it.  —You have an repressed personality.  I can tell because when you talk to me you look at nothing.  But when you look at me I can tell you're thinking something."

C    "I have an very active mind."

T    "You don't understand.  It means you don't remember anything you say.  Or anything that I say, for that matter."

C    "—unless you write it down."

T    "Until you've had some time to think about it.  Because you are busy expending energy not to react to it.  Not to react to anything.  It can be that bad.  And yes, if you've had time to write it down you have had time to think about it.  This could be your recognition response that something is not quite right."

C    "I'm an person.  How could they treat me that way?"

T    "They had spent time not reacting also.  And this is your failure to realize the subject; it's not about you, individually.  Necessarily."

C    "I see.  I mean.  I realize I'm not seeing it when I'm speaking it to you."

T    "Seeing what?" she said, in the kindest tone.

C    "That you're.  Beyond my reciprocity with myself so that I'm never imprisoned by it."

T    "That is an sign of extreme loneliness."

C    "And you're part of that reality in which I don't have to be scared of my own gayness."

T    "That's you coming out of it; seeing the truth that's in front of you."

C    "Oh my gawd.  I don't have to be scared anymore."

T    "That's right.  We are the majority.  We don't have to be scared.  Of anyone.  Institutionally.  And they know what we are.  We have the Power.  Who cares if they think its gross?"

C    "Oh I think I'm going to barf thinking about all the men and women what they think of me."

T    "We're going to go slow.  As slow as we need to.  For you to approach your feelings from an place of security.  We're just talking about Radio Flies.  They are not even real right now.  There's nothing about them to be afraid of here."

C    "And so they name the fantasy idea I have of knowing what it is I'm doing and how to make it go smoothly itself."

T    "Yourself.  You just look for the Middle.  We'll get there."